I laughed so hard at this I'm pretty sure I ruptured something.
The Phoenix police recently responded to a report that a naked man was hanging out in a stranger's yard. Once they arrived at the scene, they tried to get him to put on his pants-- he had other plans, tho.
"Hey, look, I'm going to finger-bang my asshole and I want you to watch," Calvert told the cops.
He had more fun things to say at the police station. Click the link to read the whole story.