Monday, November 29, 2010

This Is How I Greet The Day, Every Morning...

I mean, who needs coffee when you have this bitch shakin' and shimmyin'?  I need to know where this is-- at last, I've found a place to show off my dance moves I learned in rehab from an oxy junkie! 

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Go Ahead, Grope Me

 Some whiners have termed November 24th National Opt-Out Day, when all travelers should opt-out of being x-rayed and groped by those fine-ass pervs at TSA.  Myself, I never pass up a chance to get a nice grope, but I guess some people aren't that pleased about it.  I mean, who wouldn't want this?

Well, the delightful Mr. Goldberg over at the Atlantic has a suggestion to take the fun up a notch!  Wear a kilt!

"If you want to go the extra extra mile, I suggest commando-style kilt-wearing. While it is probably illegal to fly without pants, I can't imagine that it's illegal to fly without underpants."

Hell yeah!  I have two different kilts that I could wear!  From now on:  Ian Awesome will only wear kilts while flying.
Who wouldn't want to grope this?

Watch out, TSA, here I come!

[The Atlantic]

The Pope Wants His Gay Hookers Sans Herpes, Thankyouverymuch

So the lady who heads up the Catholic Church (I mean, come on, he wears Prada slippers, you go Miss Thang!) stated in his upcoming book that it A-OK to use condoms if you are... drum roll... a gay hooker!

"In this or that case, there can be nonetheless, in the intention of reducing the risk of infection, a first step in a movement toward a different way, a more human way, of living sexuality."

So, in other words, she wants her favorite hookers to stay safe!  Wouldn't it be embarrassing, after all, if the Pope got the hep?


Barbie Bush Ain't Got no Love for Mama Bear

While talking to Larry King, fellow old person Barbara Bush had this to say about Sarah Palin:

"I sat next to her once.  I thought she was beautiful and I think she's very happy in Alaska and I hope she'll stay there."

As evidenced by my mom (she's really old too, just really effing old), Barbara shows us that wrinkly bitches know how to whoop a trick.  Go, Barbie, go!  It takes a special lady to knock Ms. Palin.  Or just one who is going to die sooner rather than later.  *shrug*


I Tweet Stuff Now!

I've never really tweeted stuff before.  I mean, really, it's a shite word.  But, hey, move with the times.  I'm oneangryqueer on there. 

Friday, November 19, 2010

Ian Awesome: Cussing in Polite Company

Those fine folks over at asked yours truly to write up a little article about my experience chaining myself to a fence-- or rather, I begged them to let me promote myself on their website.  Whatevs!  It's cute anyway.  Check 'em out, they're a new site dedicated to providing resources-- and not just the medical kind-- to those of us living with HIV.  Lifestyle, etc. 


Another Newsface Slapped Upside the Head. Plus!!! Donald Trump's "Hair" to Rule them All!

So, not too long ago every libtard's favorite Cronkite wannabe (after Queen Maddow, natch) Keith Olbermann was suspended without pay for donating money to Democratic candidates.  Another one bites the dust!

Joe Scarborough, rumored to be considering a presidential bid with Rudy Giuliani (he loves to dress in dresses!) was suspended today for donating in the amount of $500 to friends and family running for various offices.  *yawn*  What does this mean? 

Those bitches at Fox News are laughing their asses off!  Imagine if THEY weren't allowed to contribute $$$ to the Republican Party?!  It would collapse.

And in other silly presidential candidate news:  Donald Trump says that he might put his combover on the ballot if Sarah Palin runs for president.  Ugh!  Can you imagine this sasquatch nest shedding on the floor in the Oval Office? 

On second thought, he'd probably improve the decor.  You know.  Painting the entire thing gold, Arabian dancing girls, etc.  Donald's Hair for Prez!



Super Turkey Deluxe

Look at this bitch!  She is an oldster from Hungary, and she is not taking no for an answer!

Ok, so I guess the story is this photographer guy wanted to cheer up his grams by taking pictures of her doing silly things.  He picked one of my fave topics:  superheroes.  My preferred pic?  The one below.  Why?  Cuz the posters with the bird says "Super Turkey Deluxe."  Gobble!

I swear to Jeebus, tho, if my grandmother dressed in tights I would NOT be taking pictures.  Aaaaaack!  Mental image!

[My Modern Met]

OneAngryQueer featured on Towleroad

I totally didn't catch that OneAngryQueer was linked on Towleroad.  I guess I'm the asshat for today.  I love the comments.  Especially the ones that accuse me of making a living off this shit.  HA!  Suck it, guys, I'm broke as hell.  Er.  I win, right?  .... :-/


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

My Trip to DC: Camaraderie, Activism, and the Golden Girls Theme Song

How to sum up the past few days?



My trip to the East Coast has been one of the most amazing and rewarding things I've done yet, by far.  Not only did I get to see lots of friends I haven't seen in years, resulting in moments like this: 

but I got to take part in some righteous hooliganism with some really awesome people:

So, Saturday I flew out at the buttcrack of dawn, arrived in DC twelve hours later, and got to hang with my friends Chuck and Patrick.  Naturally, after an evening of dancing and fun, I swore at and insulted some friends of Chuck's.  Meh!  It wouldn't be a trip with yours truly if I didn't piss ANYONE off.

Luckily, I had a chance to do that again.

My first meeting with GetEqual was on Sunday.  Just to clarify, GetEqual is a group of activists dedicated to strong principles of non-violent civil disobedience.  They are often portrayed in the press as the loud, showier counterpart to organizations such as the Human Rights Campaign on the Don't Ask, Don't Tell issue-- instead of utilizing fundraising and lobbying, they use public protesting to draw attention to issues and put pressure on political leadership to enact social change.

I got to meet a lot of awesome people on Sunday, and during a two and a half hour meeting, we outlined the following day and got to know each other.  It was a wonderfully organic evening; we, as a group, decided exactly what we wanted to do, how we would do it, and when we would do it.  It was pretty cool to see such a diverse crowd ranging from a transgendered writer for Pam's House Blend to yours truly, an irresponsible blowhard with a bone to pick. 

And boy, did we pick it.

After the meeting, I hung out with Lt. Dan Choi (yes, that guy) and some friends of his.  Of course, I proceeded give a lecture detailing the benefits of prostate massagers, followed by a detailed examination of life in a drug treatment facility.  Sometimes I just cannot keep my mouth shut!

After a meager couple hours of sleep, we got up, put on our respective uniforms, and got ready to take part in a day I will never forget.

Bright and early, we all met at Leonard Matlovich's grave to pay our respects and lay a wreath on his headstone.  He is a huge part of the history of gays in the military, being the first servicemember to ever come out.

Whether it was fatigue or I hadn't eaten enough, I don't know, but I got dizzy and had to fall out in the middle of the ceremony.  There was some concern whether I would be able to participate in the rest of the day, but I wouldn't have missed it for anything short of being axe-murdered, so I sucked it up and we moved along.

Next, we went directly from the gravesite to Harry Reid's Senate office to demand some answers.  Dan had given Sen. Reid his West Point class ring some time ago-- and the good Senator, I understand, promised to return it upon the repeal of DADT.  We didn't really get any answers and pissed off his deputy chief of staff to boot; it was a cool experience anyway.

After our jaunt to Reid's office, we took a break and had lunch.  I was feeling ill again, and even had to run to the restroom to throw up.  Far from a nervous reaction, my medication sometimes makes me nauseous-- rare now, but some days it does-- and I became worried I wouldn't be able to take our next step.  After eating, however, I felt much better, and then we took got in cars and drove to Lafayette Park, right in front of the White House.

Then I got nervous.

Our plan:  Handcuff ourselves to the White House fence and refuse to come down until they DRAGGED us down.

As soon as we got out of the car, we split up and casually strolled around the park, trying to look inconspicuous.  Of course, eight people in uniform lounging about on park benches, nervously staring at the White House while in the company of Lt. Dan Choi isn't exactly what one could call "incognito."  We watched as more and more cop cars moved into the street in front of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, as well as two paddywagons waiting to take us away.  Would we even MAKE it to the fence?  We weren't sure.

Finally, Dan made the first move, addressing the horde of cameras that had shown up.  We were committed.  The police, to their credit, watched as we walked up to the fence, turned around, and facing the crowd, handcuffed ourselves to the fence. 

To my left was Robin McGehee, from GetEqual, and to my right was Scott Wooledge, a contributor to the DailyKos.  Scott, while gay, didn't really have to be there-- he had never had anything to do with the military.  Instead, he chose to stand with us in solidarity, which was really freaking awesome.  He turned to me, and with excitement and fear, said something that still gives me goosebumps days later:

"It's done."

Yes it was.  We were handcuffed to the fence, the locks in our cuffs superglued shut.  There was no stopping, and no backing down.  We were chained to the FUCKING WHITE HOUSE, the leader of the free world inside listening as we chanted our chants, made our points, and threw accusations of his failure at his doorstep. 

"I am
We are
We deserve
Full Equality
Right here
Right now."

Of course, they arrested our asses, one at a time.  They used boltcutters, we went limp, they rolled us over and dragged us away, still screaming. 

I was the last off the fence. 

As we were driving off to jail, Dan started singing spirituals, Swing Low Sweet Chariot, etc.  Caught up in the spirit and excitement of the moment, I contributed with the only song I could think of, and this was it:

I couldn't help it, we needed a dose of laughter and good old-fashioned gay silliness.  I'm sure the guys driving the paddywagon were exasperated.

Long story short, we stayed in jail for quite a few hours and were released that night.  I received a citation for "failure to obey a lawful order," which is my first criminal offense ever.  When the officer asked me if it was my first arrest and I confirmed it, his response was, "You picked a hell of a way to start a career in civil disobedience."

To illustrate that point-- under place of offense on my citation, which you can barely make out here (sorry about the photo quality) it says:

1600 Pennsylvania Ave.


Did we change anything?  I don't know.  But we said our piece, stood up for what we believe in, and we were heard.  And that is enough. 

Can't wait til next time.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

OneAngryQueer: Ninja Style!

So I'm fleeing Seattle in the early morning hours to go on a top secret mission in Washington, DC.  Can't give you any details, but it will be JUST LIKE THIS:

Super ninja style!  Those mamma jammas won't know what hit 'em!

For more info:  Google my name on Tuesday.  That's right.  Do it. 

Updates on my East Coast adventures as they come. 

Friday, November 12, 2010

Hypnotism Cat Strikes Again!

Seriously, I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF MARU.  Have you seen this bitch?  He needs a hobby.  Basically he's a fat japanese cat who can't stop jumping in boxes!!!!  He's sick.  I love him.  Anytime Maru is on the screen I have to pause the music, turn off the phone, and stare, drooling slightly.

Besides, the captions are surreal and kinda make me feel dirty.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Things I forgot cuz I was busy getting high:

1. I like music.
2. I'm important to me.
3. I'm supposed to eat three meals a day.
4. Love sets you free, doesn't chain you down.
5. I'm one of the funniest people I know.
6. And the smartest.
7. And def the cutest.
8. Uh, and I need to be humble.
9. I like being independent.
10. I love you.

Fuck you! No really. Fuck you.

Just cuz I love back-up singers that cuss.

Srsly. Cee Lo is the official Poet Laureate of OneAngryQueer.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

San Francisco Hates Happiness!!!!

San Francisco has banned the one thing that keeps this queer from murdering people at the mall:


Saying that they are too fatty, the city has banned the sale of toys in the meals, I guess so that the chirruns won't want these delectable treats!  Travesty!

I once had to call Mickey D's headquarters cuz those bitches didn't put my nuggets in my meal.  I got a free meal out of it!  It was the happiest day of my life.  Eff these haterz!

Click below to see what else the San Fascisco government has banned:


Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Return of Ian Awesome

So, um.... I'm back!

Yeah.  Back...  Hm.

I was a huge asshole, guys.  I was angry, hateful, paranoid... meth did a serious number on me and I owe you all an apology.  I was insane... you know those Toyotas that got recalled?  The ones that accelerated all by themselves and caused a big ruckus?  That was me, and I was screaming at the wheel the whole time, horrified by what I was doing.

In essence, I was an angry, hateful, paranoid person.  Please, don't think that I was angry at you-- it was myself I was angry at, and myself that I hated.  Paranoia?  It's because I was terrified that I wasn't going to be able to stop, and that I would hurt myself, and that I would die.  Please, none of these are excuses, but simply this:  an apology.  I can never make up for what I have done, but what I can offer is just simply that.  An apology.

So I'm back now, and treatment was a good experience.  Enjoyable?  Hell no.  Useful?  Very.  I did a lot of crying, a lot of yelling, and a lot of... eating!  It's so good to have body fat again!

I cannot tell you how good it is to be back.  Not because I particularly think Seattle is the best place for me, nor because treatment was a bad place to be... but because it is an amazing feeling to have clarity, and to not be fucked up, and to not be angry, and to not be so so scared.  I'm very grateful.  Living without fear of yourself-- it's a feeling to cherish, I can tell you, because it's what I had for a very very long time.

No!  I'm not cured.  Never will be:  but now I know I have to manage my disease, and I will do my damnedest to do that.  I can't be that guy again.

Thanks, everyone.  I love you.