Monday, February 21, 2011

New guest author OneAngryClotheshorse: AKA My VERY gay ex-boyfriend Pt. 1

My latest guest author is none other than my VERY gay ex-boyfriend, Wesley Darling (click the link if you dare...he hasn't posted since 2009 and it's SUPER gay). He's going to rant about clothing for me - because if there's one thing a socially-responsible, politic, intelligent mind wants to start an open dialog about, it's fashion.
Hello gentle readers! (I twirl, a swath of glitter and rainbows dancing merrily behind me) 'Tis I, your beloved Wesley Darling - Ian's VERY gay ex-boyfriend - here to lend my unswervingly stylish eye to the magical adventure that are the FW 2011 RTW shows!
The author in repose. Painting by Liz Keblish
Ok. Are we done? Good, because that shit makes me nauseous. I'm Ian Awesome's VERY gay ex-boyfriend. The name is VERY amusing to me. What metric is Ian judging me by? There's always SOMEONE gayer out there. I also find it hilarious Ian's asked me to write about fashion for his blog- in the past he's stated my wardrobe is "relentlessly dour" and that "I dress like an old person who's stopped caring about themselves." I'll let the reader draw their own conclusions about my taste in clothes, but I hope the article is at least chuckle-worthy.

Since Ian didn't give me very specific criteria, ("Write about fashion - it'll increase readership!") I chose to mercilessly skewer's "Look Of The Day" from the FW 2011 RTW shows. (Note: This was written yesterday - 2/20/11, today's "looks" will be different - WD) It seemed like a good way to encapsulate the weird spectacle that is Fashion Week, get sassy, and not yammer on too long...this will need to be published in two parts as it is. I hope you readers are happy, and if you're not, throw things at Ian until he gives me better guidelines.
Apparently, judging from the 5 "looks of the day" has prepared for us today, metallics are back in for FW 2011. This is old news as metallics have been in for the last 5 years or so (off and on), and designers are trotting them out again because they sell well. In this "look" (remember, I'm writing about the "look of the day" not the individual item) Saunders is featuring giant paillettes (sequins), which look like quarters or worse, fish scales...the scales in question belonging to a tuna with a serious smack problem. What is especially disturbing about this look is that it's ostensibly a dress, but looks more like the designer stapled the top to a matching skirt. The thicker black line through the middle is ugly and purposeless. The shoes would be cute, except for the blowholes on the front - perhaps to house tiny glitter cannons?
Here are two trends which don't belong together: the "boyfriend shirt," and super-flowy chiffon nude pants. The Swedish brand Acne is really good at simultaneously hiding the 'ol sinful body and using yards and yards of fabric, perhaps in an effort to stimulate the textile industry. Taken as separates, I have few issues...the pants could be really lovely with a white or cream fitted blouse. The top isn't to my taste - my God, it's like a tinfoil hat for her least aliens won't be able to penetrate with their boob rays - but with a pair of very slim pants or leggings it would at least have a pleasing silhouette. The combination of the two in the same 'look' is bizarre and shapeless.

Edit- This piece has been halved. *GASP!* Don't worry. You'll get the other half today. It's the only way I could make such a long piece bearable.

Photo Credits - images/wireimage...all photographs are the property of their respective owners. OneAngryQueer and OneAngryClotheshorse claim no credit for the images used in these or any posts unless otherwise noted.

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