Ian's cohorts: "We hope so!"
Satirical "Christian" blogger JC Christian (otherwise known as Jesus' General) thoughtfully has prepared for the rapture by leaving Pete LeBarbera his assless chaps.
"I've almost completed all my arrangements for the Rapture on May 21. I've practiced duct taping spatulas, bags of Cheetos, and copies of "Red Dawn" and "Atlas Shrugged" to my body. I've almost completed the harness I'll need to strap Sheila, the militia morale sheep, to my back. It looks like I'll be able to take all the comforts of home with me on that glorious day when Jesus calls me home.
Well, almost all--I'm leaving my leather chaps behind. I don't have any room to carry them, and I'm afraid that if I wear them, my ass will get frostbitten as I'm raptured through the upper part of the atmosphere.
That's why I've decided to leave my chaps for you. Let's face it, you're not getting raptured with your history of watching all that porn. It doesn't matter if it was only for research, you still give the rest of us rapturees the creeps. We don't need your kind creeping-up our Heaven experience."
Of course, Pete took offense at this kind gift from a better man than he, so he fired back on Twitter:
[Jesus' General]
Exactly. The sheer magnitude of his ignorance is stunning. Gay people didn't invent chaps, its a fetishized portion of the overarching culture. A freshman level research project could find as much. Whats HIS excuse?
ReplyDeleteOMG, where will the perversion end? Next thing you know, there will be crotchless panties, French Maid uniforms for people who are neither French nor Maids, or *gasp* BONELESS CHICKEN!!!
ReplyDeleteI prefer my meat to have bones in it myself. Ew! Gay sex joke!
ReplyDeleteHeh. Reminds me of childhood, tittering at Stater Brothers' ads for "Bone-in Rump Roast."
ReplyDelete