Friday, May 13, 2011

OneAngryClotheshorse: Wesley Darling's Pet Hobby

Edit: Whatever happened to Blogger yesterday deleted this post, but I was able to resurrect it from the original notes. Enjoy!

No, my pet hobby isn't men... I go through men WAY faster than I go through these... I'm talking about fragrances. Since I was a wee young queenlet I have enjoyed sampling, collecting, and discussing colognes and perfumes. Per Ian Awesome's request I sampled a semi-pertinent (see: "
hot men" section) fragrance and agreed to do a little writeup about it, because I care. Also, because I was bored.

The problem with fragrance advertising is that unlike almost ANY other product, it is utterly impossible to provide a visual image of a smell. Fragrance companies shell out millions of dollars for ad agencies to find hot young things that represent the kind of man/woman/child/dog that they believe represents their juice. Unsurprisingly, Ian's favorite fragrance ads feature hot semi-naked men in various "do me standing" postures.
Case in point - the utterly delicious Marlon Teixera. The message - stuff a bottle of Diesel's latest nasal explosion down your pants and you will look, smell, and be as generally delicious as this ripped young studling. This of course will not work for a MOMENT, in fact if Diesel's new juice smells as bad as its original (this is the "Denim collection" edition, which I sadly was unable to find). The original fragrance advertising tells a very similar story:
This young man seems to have just ripped his shirt from his body, and seems to want to have sex with you while spraying himself with cologne. All of those things sound incredibly exciting, except for one small fact: rarely have I ever smelled anything quite so abrasive as this particular juice. If the sex with the model is as bad as the fragrance then I'll pass, thank you very much.

This one seems to be composed of a loud feminine fragrance (see Thierry Mugler's Angel), a disinfectant spray, and a particularly wimpy masculine 'sport' fragrance, something with a berry feel to it. It's rather like wiping your nose with sandpaper, rubbing a blue raspberry Jolly Rancher on it, and sterilizing with Lysol.

The press pack lists the notes as: anise, raspberry, grapefruit, heliotrope, lavender, and dry woods which sound appealing enough until you think about how unlikely those particular materials in combination would be in nature...sort of like walking by The Body Shop in the mall, only this particular store is on fire.

My dear readers, caveat emptor; don't let a pretty face and body sway your decisions when purchasing a new fragrance. Some of the very best fragrances are poorly advertised - don't be afraid to window shop, and don't rush into a purchase - take a sample home, try it on skin, wear it a few hours, and come back when you've had a chance to wear it a while.

I've listed below a few of my favorites in a few different categories - and yes, there are a few 'women's' fragrances in there that I wear, even one from 1889! Have fun and don't be afraid to try out something new.

Escale A' Portofino - Dior
Eau De Cologne - Chanel
Vetiver - Guerlain
Gucci Pour Homme - Gucci
Bois D'Encens - Armani Prive
Fahrenheit - Dior
Animalic (musky, animal)
Kouros - Yves St. Laurent
Ciel - Amouage
Jicky - Guerlain
Anisic/Gourmand (food smells)
Lolita Lempicka pour Femme - Lolita Lempicka
Cereus Pour Homme No.11 - Cereus
Love - By Kilian

Happy sniffing!

Wesley Darling

1 comment:

  1. It has anus in it? What? Oh, never mind.