Saturday, December 11, 2010

Angry Birds: Taking Over a Brain Near You

If you know anyone with an iPhone, you've had to put up with Angry Birds.

*note:  I do not, nor ever plan on, owning an iPhone.  I prefer to not be brainwashed, thank you very much.

My VERY gay ex-boyfriend, bless his heart, is now lost to this game.  If you don't know what it is, the premise is that a bunch of vicious pigs stole some eggs from the chickens, so the angry avians go on a rampage.  The pigs live in fortresses, so in order to take their revenge, you must launch the chickens at said fortresses in order to knock them down.  I just don't even understand who must have dreamed this crap up.  Many a time on the bus I would turn to my ex to start a sage discourse on important philosophical ideals, and this is what happened:

Me:  So, my love, if a tree falls in the woods--

VGEB:  Shhhh, chickens.

Me:  But the question--

VGEB:  The pigs must not win.  Shhh.

This is the nightmare this game gives me.

So this game is INSANELY popular.  Evidently, worldwide, 200 MILLION HOURS of this game are played a day.

"Games like Angry Birds are reaching a wide audience of players who might never consider buying an Xbox or PlayStation, but are now carrying sophisticated game machines in their pockets — smartphones. Software developers, eager to become the next Rovio, are creating so-called casual games for this crowd, games that are easy to learn and hard to stop playing.

All I know is:  Those fucking chickens are scary looking.  I don't know, if I were the pigs, I'd steal someone else's eggs.  I mean, shit, those birds can knock down walls and boomerang around and stuff!  No sir, that's not for me, I have ENOUGH nightmares at night.



  1. Shh. You're ranting too loud, I can't concentrate. I've got to knock down some pigs.