The Pope Said Some Stuff Or Whatever

The Pope had a big Catholic party in Madrid this past weekend, with over 1.5 million faithful gathered to hear his words on pressing issues facing Catholics today. Instead of taking the opportunity to urge his followers to, oh, I don't know, END WORLD HUNGER, Il Papa addressed what is clearly the largest problem facing Christians in the modern world: gay marriage!!!11!!!

The 84-year-old head of the Roman Catholic Church had to cut short the speech, when powerful winds and sheets of rain struck at a vast air base, whipping off his skullcap, shaking the stage and knocking over at least one tent. 

Though he was unable to complete the homily, Vatican officials said on Sunday that the content of his entire speech the previous evening was still valid and could be published. 

In the address, he attempted to give at the airbase of Cuatro Vientos Spanish for Four Winds the pope struck at the heart of social reforms in countries like Spain. 

"The Lord calls many people to marriage, in which a man and a woman, in becoming one flesh, find fulfilment in a profound life of communion," he told the young pilgrims. 

Thanks, Pope, for your words of wisdom.

It's clear the continued anti-gay rhetoric from Vatican leadership has inspired some locals, as a scheduled kiss-in staged by LGBT activists was prevented from even approaching the event by police.  Even more disturbingly, a volunteer for the event posted an insane death threat in La Voz Libre, urging the faithful to bring deadly chemicals with which to attack queers:

“I have hydrochloric acid and 50 bottles of benzyl bromide, with that we can make a good asphyxiating mixture. We have less than eight days to get organised, to kill queers and in the name of God. Come on mates, we need some fertilizer, I repeat we do not need money, just bring fertilizer, naptha, gunpowder or matches or a lighter will do. The only aim is to kill these dirty queers. On their anti-pope march is a good time to get them together and impale them and then burn them as queers.”

 Of course, the nutjob didn't have the acid or any of that other crap and is now claiming the statement to be a joke.

Ha.  Ha.  Ha.