Ashton Kutcher to Replace Charlie Sheen

In a move to save the huge "Two and a Half Men" franchise, reports are coming down that Ashton Kutcher will replace crazy ass Charlie Sheen.

"Kutcher, 33, the husband of actress Demi Moore, is joining the cast for the upcoming ninth season of the money-spinning show that is scheduled for broadcast in the fall of 2011.

"Friday's statement did not say what role Kutcher would play but industry sources said he is not expected to be a direct replacement for Sheen's womanizing bachelor character."

Charlie's tiger blood was boiling when he responded to the news.  "Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer ... Oh wait, so am I!", he reportedly bleated to TMZ.

Careful, Ashton!  You don't want to be a recipient of a Charlie Sheen fist of fury!

[LATimes]

Donnie T. Responds To Allegations Of Being Weird By Being... Well, Weird

I'm developing a crush on this man.  I've long been known to love crazy people, and damn, he is just providing me with more and more material.

On April 1st, New York Times columnist Gail Collins wrote an opinion piece titled "Donald Trump Gets Weirder."  And it's true!  She skillfully points out his unprofessional treatment of his detractors (namely, Gail Collins), speculates he is running for president in order to promote his whackadoodle train wreckfest "Celebrity: Apprentice," and mocks him for his recent subscription to the birther craze.

Well, Sir Donald is never one to refuse a challenge!  So he responded with a letter to the editor and boy howdy, this guy sure knows how to prove a point-- Gail Collins' point, that is.

He starts with some VERY salient points about his candidacy-- namely, that Gail Collins doesn't know any big words and that he is a best-selling author.  You know, because the NYT Best-Selling list has ALWAYS been a measure of literary greatness.  I think Charlie Sheen could probably have been more coherent.

"Even before Gail Collins was with the New York Times, she has written nasty and derogatory articles about me.  Actually, I have great respect for Ms. Collins in that she has survived so long with so little talent. Her storytelling ability and word usage (coming from me, who has written many bestsellers), is not at a very high level. More importantly, her facts are wrong!"

Donnie continues to burp out exclamation points and conspiracy theories at the link below-- it's a great read.  Best Repub ticket ever:  Trump/Bachmann all the way!

[NYT]

Charlie Sheen Pissed This Guy Off

After declaring himself a "Vatican Assassin Warlock," strong words came from the nation's warlock community.

Uh huh.

Ladies and gentleman:  Christian Day.

"Day explains, 'I am going to magically bind Mr. Sheen, not to harm him, but to simply prevent him from using this word in such a negative manner in the future.'

"Day continues, 'If Mr. Sheen is open to it, our coven would be willing to perform a cleansing on both him, his home, and his career.'"

I agree!  Sheen seems to need some... cleansing.  At least with a sponge, anyway.

I think Mr. Day needs to be in touch with one of my favorite ladies, Witch Queen Bratara Buzea.  She has a lovely recipe involving cat poop and a dead dog that I'm sure would work wonders for Charlie's complexion.

[TMZ]

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand Launches "RepealDoma.com"-- Plus! Charlie Sheen Does Some Launching Of His Own

Kirsten Gillibrand (the anti-Jill Carter) launched a website taking advantage of the tactical hole left by Barry O's refusal to defend the Defense of Marriage Act in court. 

Yay for her!  Check it out and add your name to the list of people furthering marriage equality for all Americans.  Or Charlie Sheen is going to get you-- he's got tiger blood you know. 

[RepealDOMA]

Speaking of Charlie Sheen!

He launched a Twitter profile today and it's already one of the fastest growing feeds with over 177,000 followers-- and only one tweet. 

It's this pic, with the caption, "Choose your vice."  WTF?

Charlie Sheen's Flaming Fist of Fury

We've heard a lot about that delicious heap of man crazy, Charlie Sheen.  One of my fave quotes was the hilarious "flaming fists" quote (I've been to parties with lots of flaming fists, but that was something else entirely).  My friend Naite Heal, DJ, graphic artist, and all around genius made this poster and it is TEH AWESOME.  My adrenaline is pumping just looking at it!!!!1!!!