OneAngryClotheshorse: Don't do gymnastics - you'll get hurt and catch the gay.

Bon Apres-midi, mes amis! I awoke today from my post breakfast, pre brunch nap to read this story from the Daily Mail (a UK publication prone to scandalmongering): "Burly rugby player has a stroke after freak gym accident…wakes up gay and becomes a hairdresser". Apparently a large heterosexual in Wales was attempting a backflip to impress his friends and botched it, breaking his neck and causing a stroke. When he woke up everything had changed, including his sexuality. Well, now...That's very convenient for him, but it invites so many questions. Were you gay before, and are you just lying about it now? Was the stroke responsible for your questionable styling decisions (pun definitely intended)? Would it work for various Tea Party politicians, who could CLEARLY use a good stroking? His massive weight loss - going from 19st to 11st (nearly 115 lbs) is also problematic, contributing to the unfair stereotype that all gay men are in fabulous shape.

Obviously we need to research this dubious claim in the name of science, so the Liberal Media Elite can add "stroke recruiting" to its Gay Agenda. As soon as we figure out how to fix the ensuing fashion disaster apparently innate to this technique.

Bisous,

Wesley

OneAngryClotheshorse: Lanvin's redonkulous FW 2011 ad

Hello Lovers! What you are about to see is real. Do not try to adjust your computer screens. If your brains explode, well - it was nice knowing you.

Things I learned from this video:

1: Models can't dance.

2: Pitbull and French fashion do not go together.

3: That is a really hard song to get out of your head.

Bisous,

Wesley

OneAngryClotheshorse: Wesley Darling is mad at Zara - you should be too.

Hello lovers! Since Ian Awesome is in transition (and no, he's not becoming a woman) I thought I'd bring some serious fashion news to your attention. Spanish fast-fashion* chain Zara, makers of some of the most consistently cute (and relatively inexpensive) clothing known to bargain-hunters anywhere, have broken my heart a little bit.

According to Brazilian newspaper Reoporter Brasil, Zara has recently come under investigation for using a third-party supplier who contracts slave-like child labor to make their garments. Among their findings were reports of children as young as 14 and 15 working in unsanitary conditions for periods of 16 hours at a time, and being paid as little as 274-460 Brazilian Real a year (Between 175 and 285 USD).

This hearkens back to the dark days of the '90s, when everyone from Kathie Lee Gifford to The Gap was under investigation for using child labor. It was THE hot-button topic for some time, and while the media has not focused on this subject recently, clearly it is still a major problem. The rhetoric from retailers has always been "We had no idea our garments were produced this way," but isn't it the brand's responsibility to find out where their clothes are coming from?

The presence of suppliers like the one found in Brazil also bring up a serious question for the consumer - is that $12 top really too good to be true? Maybe doing a bit more research about where your super el-cheapo fashion finds were constructed would be helpful in discouraging further human rights violations. As yours truly puts it, "Perhaps my jeans WERE exorbitantly expensive, but they weren't made in a sweaty windowless box by children."

*Fast-fashion is a generic term for the inexpensively produced, trendy garments that are inspired by the most current runway looks. Usually shopping in these stores requires lots of screaming, grabbing, and occasionally fist-fighting with other savvy fashionistas, in order to secure the perfect outfit.

OneAngryClotheshorse - Glee Season Finale - Rachel's Jacket

Like so many of you, I eagerly tuned in last night to see the finale of Season 2 of Glee. I'm not going to go into the episode itself - it was mostly predictable and largely forgettable, but there was one glaring exception that burned itself into my brain:

I know, Lea. I'm sorry they put you in this thing too. It looks like it hurts.

What...the...fuck? I literally gasped aloud when I saw this thing. I get that Rachel's character wears some pretty bonkers outfits but COME ON, REALLY? This outfit is like the unholy union of Marlo Thomas (That Girl), Mary Tyler Moore, and a roll of lifesavers. It's hard to look that cartoony in live action, but somehow the girl does it. Also, those shoes are HORRIBLE.

Hopefully in season 3 Rachel discovers fashion and moves away from outfits that are as loud and annoying as her character, but I'm not holding my breath.

Kiss kiss,

Wesley Darling

Photo Via

OneAngryClotheshorse: Wesley Darling's Pet Hobby

Edit: Whatever happened to Blogger yesterday deleted this post, but I was able to resurrect it from the original notes. Enjoy!

No, my pet hobby isn't men... I go through men WAY faster than I go through these... I'm talking about fragrances. Since I was a wee young queenlet I have enjoyed sampling, collecting, and discussing colognes and perfumes. Per Ian Awesome's request I sampled a semi-pertinent (see: "hot men" section) fragrance and agreed to do a little writeup about it, because I care. Also, because I was bored.

The problem with fragrance advertising is that unlike almost ANY other product, it is utterly impossible to provide a visual image of a smell. Fragrance companies shell out millions of dollars for ad agencies to find hot young things that represent the kind of man/woman/child/dog that they believe represents their juice. Unsurprisingly, Ian's favorite fragrance ads feature hot semi-naked men in various "do me standing" postures.

Case in point - the utterly delicious Marlon Teixera. The message - stuff a bottle of Diesel's latest nasal explosion down your pants and you will look, smell, and be as generally delicious as this ripped young studling. This of course will not work for a MOMENT, in fact if Diesel's new juice smells as bad as its original (this is the "Denim collection" edition, which I sadly was unable to find). The original fragrance advertising tells a very similar story:

This young man seems to have just ripped his shirt from his body, and seems to want to have sex with you while spraying himself with cologne. All of those things sound incredibly exciting, except for one small fact: rarely have I ever smelled anything quite so abrasive as this particular juice. If the sex with the model is as bad as the fragrance then I'll pass, thank you very much.

This one seems to be composed of a loud feminine fragrance (see Thierry Mugler's Angel), a disinfectant spray, and a particularly wimpy masculine 'sport' fragrance, something with a berry feel to it. It's rather like wiping your nose with sandpaper, rubbing a blue raspberry Jolly Rancher on it, and sterilizing with Lysol.

The press pack lists the notes as: anise, raspberry, grapefruit, heliotrope, lavender, and dry woods which sound appealing enough until you think about how unlikely those particular materials in combination would be in nature...sort of like walking by The Body Shop in the mall, only this particular store is on fire.

My dear readers, caveat emptor; don't let a pretty face and body sway your decisions when purchasing a new fragrance. Some of the very best fragrances are poorly advertised - don't be afraid to window shop, and don't rush into a purchase - take a sample home, try it on skin, wear it a few hours, and come back when you've had a chance to wear it a while.

I've listed below a few of my favorites in a few different categories - and yes, there are a few 'women's' fragrances in there that I wear, even one from 1889! Have fun and don't be afraid to try out something new.

Citrus/fresh:

Escale A' Portofino - Dior

Eau De Cologne - Chanel

Vetiver - Guerlain

Woody/Aromatic:

Gucci Pour Homme - Gucci

Bois D'Encens - Armani Prive

Fahrenheit - Dior

Animalic (musky, animal)

Kouros - Yves St. Laurent

Ciel - Amouage

Jicky - Guerlain

Anisic/Gourmand (food smells)

Lolita Lempicka pour Femme - Lolita Lempicka

Cereus Pour Homme No.11 - Cereus

Love - By Kilian

Happy sniffing!

Wesley Darling

OneAngryClotheshorse: A small retraction

Hello again! I would like to print a small retraction, or at least clarify my prior post slightly. I did not hate EVERYTHING about the Chanel Resort 2012 collection. Uncle Karl has some mighty fine taste in man candy. To whit:

I would even like to state that while in no means reinventing the wheel, every single one of those menswear looks is beautiful and interesting - I would personally love to wear these looks (although perhaps not as styled - sleeveless isn't my thing). The idea of Chanel Menswear is appealing - the house has always used male models more as ornamental decor than anything - but I suspect the men of the world might be a tad bit queasy at the idea of donning a Chanel suit themselves. Except, naturally, for the VERY gay among us. <3

Cheers,

Wesley Darling

ONEANGRYCLOTHESHORSE: NOW HE'S JUST FUCKING WITH US

Speaking of shoes (and contributing my LONG neglected fashion voice to this cranky little blog) I thought I'd share with you a collection Karl Lagerfeld recently unveiled for Chanel in Antibes, France. Held at the ultra-luxurious Hotel Du Cap - "possibly the most expensive hotel in the world," according to Der Kaiser, the resort 2012 collection showed (per usual) tweeds, chiffons, camellias, and other Chanel cliches, this time accessorized with real pearls and diamonds. "Perhaps too much is not enough," he mused at the end of the show. Evidently too much weirdness wasn't enough for Karl, as evidenced below:

Is he serious? Ignoring for a moment that the outfit is both distractingly busy and completely shapeless (isn't one fuckup enough?), what the hell is this girl wearing on her FEET!?

These, my darlings, are toeless boots, essentially thong sandals with knee-high leather socks attached. Lagerfeld emphasized the disparity by pairing the boots with below-the-knee skirts and dresses, simulating a bottom-dwelling sea creature poking its feelers from beneath a rock. Further weirdness ensued when Lagerfeld mixed jeans with palazzo pants, swimsuits with tweed jackets, and dressed his very own little drunken, dishevelled wedding party.

If you're an insane billionaire bride on her honeymoon vacation, this resort collection will be perfect for you. For us peasants, it MIGHT be a little too much crazy.

Bisous,

Wesley Darling

OneAngryClotheshorse's Red Carpet MADNESS - part 2

Hello lovers! Here's part 2 of my Oscar-fashion rant extravaganza. Part 1 can be found here. Remember - the only thing as wonderful as great fashion... is BAD FASHION.

Paz De La Huerta in one of Dina Martina's old stage costumes

In Part 1 of this post, I compared Lea Michele's heartbreaking sparkle-snake extravaganza to a Telemundo reject. Continuing that theme, Paz de la Huerta shows us her big Cha-Cha! Ay, dios mio. You don't see a lot of free-range vagina at awards shows these days. It's like a solar eclipse - I know I shouldn't stare directly at it but it's so unusual I can't look away. I wonder if it's intentional? Maybe she got in a bitchfight with Emma Stone and her dress got torn. That would also explain her makeup (or bruises, who knows?). Whatever happened, Paz looks SUPER grumpy about it... like a cow whose udders are sore because she hasn't been milked in a while. It would explain the lack of a bra... that shit has got to chafe.

Joan Collins in one of her old Dynasty costumes

YES! I hope I look half as good as she does when I'm dead. Seriously, this breathtaking vision is the incomparable Joan Collins - the only JC that matters. Check her out, judging the mere mortals around her. Deciding who lives... and who dies. I defy you to gaze upon this tower of feminine glory and not want to THROW THE BITCH INTO A LILY POND. Her dress DOES look like it could use watering.

Justin Timberlake in Tom Ford

Last but not least, bitches - check out THIS asshat. Clad in a wrinkled tux stolen from Lawrence Welk circa 1974, Justin Timberlake clearly thinks his shit don't stink. Look at that face. He knows he looks terrible. It's all just a big joke to him. You could smuggle children in those pants (or, judging by that goofy-ass grin, a big 'ol bong) and nobody would know. It's really saying something when a black tuxedo, white dress shirt, and black bow tie look THIS unfortunate.

I'm exhausted! Tearing up celebrities makes me SO thirsty. Thanks SO much for reading, loves... I'm going to go pour myself a Manhattan and find myself a sparkly caftan to play dress-up in.

KISSES!!!

Wesley Darling

Photo Credits - Elle.com/Style.com/Getty images/wireimage...all photographs are the property of their respective owners. OneAngryQueer and OneAngryClotheshorse claim no credit for the images used in these or any posts unless otherwise noted.

OneAngryClotheshorse: The Oscars 2011

I'm back kids! With all of this Oscar tomfoolery going on, you MUST have been thinking "Gee, I wonder what Wesley Darling thinks of all of the Red Carpet fashions?"

Well, they were mostly pretty damn boring. Actresses in pretty dresses getting hot and bothered about little gold statuettes just don't raise my blood pressure. However, since I get one shot per week to rant on Ian's blog, I figured I'd share a few of my favorite looks anyway... terrible, terrible eyesores on mostly B-C-and Z list celebrities!

I don't tend to fall in love with pretty dresses, it's too easy. There were very few challenging, memorable outfits at the Academy Awards this year (safe is the new black, loves) and I would much rather honor those fallen soldiers of fashion who perished screaming in their hot-mess dresses. There's even one young man (A-list, no less!) who made me want to laugh, scream, and cry, simultaneously. Let's start the show!

Cate Blanchett in Givenchy Couture

My first victim of the night is Cate Blanchett. Always a risk-taker, Cate takes "architectural fashion" to a new level, choosing to house her breasts in what looks like a cross between a gazebo and a grotto from the Little Mermaid (if you look closely the little beads look more like barnacles!). She paints the whole mess lilac and strews yellow blossoms all about. Hidden in the center of the dress is a cleverly hidden string - pull it and the curtains spring apart like opening night on Broadway. Ta Da!

Gayle King in...who the hell cares?

Holy shit-on-a-shingle. This devastating siren, ladies and gentlemen, is Oprah's "Best Friend." They go everywhere together, yet Gayle leaves the house looking like this... Girl, you must have pissed your meal-ticket off BAD to be let out of the house in this. Starting at the top: her hair is simultaneously greasy AND frizzy (In her off-hours, Gayle is a lab animal for John Frieda) and she has terrible drugstore makeup, which is applied with a trowel and smeared to perfection. We arrive at the glorious fuckery that is her off-the-rack, Jessica McClintock-knockoff $35 prom dress, which is twisted, tortured, ruched, wrinkled, and coming apart at the hem. Her boobs hang listlessly, like moody, overweight teenagers. Continuing the theme of the depressed high school girl, she finishes the look with a gold snakeskin mini-backpack from Claire's.

Emma Stone in Chanel Fall 2009 Couture

It says a lot about how safe actresses are dressing at awards shows (particularly this one) that I had to pull the rest of my photos from the Vanity Fair Oscar After-party. I have no idea who this crazy broad is but I want to party with HER. Look at that face. She has been drinking since 9 o'clock in the morning, can barely stand on her PRECIOUS little purple pumps, just got fucked in the back of the limo, and has something bitchy to say about EVERY A-list actress she walks past. This is the kind of girl you have to watch out for, or she'll put out her cigarette on your arm when you're not looking. Or even if you are. She doesn't give a fuck. Meanwhile, honey... it looks like you tucked the back of your dress into your pantyhose. Also, the fireworks going off on your tits are a little distracting.

Lea Michele in Roberto Cavalli

Oh honey NO. Snakes look that way in nature for a reason - it's God's way of saying "Don't touch me, I will kill you." This dress is AWFUL on her, which makes me so sad because she's one of my favorite actresses ever. THIS IS RACHEL FROM GLEE looking like a Telemundo reality show reject, wearing Dorothy Zbornak's favorite caftan. She has been getting a lot of flak lately for wearing dresses that are SUPER sexy, (check out the cover of Cosmopolitan for March) so maybe she's just given up on being hot. She honestly looks like she threw on a pair of Liberace's pajamas, put her hair in a scrunchie, and slumped out the door. She probably has a pair of fuzzy pink bunny rabbit slippers on under the dress.

Anika Noni Rose in a skinned muppet.

I wasn't going to write about Ms. Rose (Noni Rose?) but I had to say SOMETHING. After all, Big Bird died to make this dress. The least I could do was provide a short obituary. The orange satin is pretty on her though...pity it had to be trimmed with one of my childhood heroes.

Later today: Wesley Darling puts the smack down on ladies who think the "unmilked cow" look is perfect for the spring season and one unlucky gentleman who wanted to wear a gunny sack on his big night. Stay tuned!

*EDIT* - Part 2 can be found here

Photo Credits - Elle.com/Style.com/Getty images/wireimage...all photographs are the property of their respective owners. OneAngryQueer and OneAngryClotheshorse claim no credit for the images used in these or any posts unless otherwise noted.

Yawnfest 2011: The Oscars

Jamie just wanted to host alone!  Why won't ABC let him shine?!?!?!?!

I watched the Oscars last night with my old-ass mom-- boooooooooooring!  I mean, seriously, the most exciting part of the whole show was Billy Crystal and he was only on for two minutes.  Did anyone else think that James Franco officially hated co-hosting with Anne "Stick Figure With No Soul" Hathaway?  Every time she said something he rolled his eyes at the camera.  Catty!

In the next day or two Wesley Darling (OneAngryClotheshorse) will have his breakdown and analysis of last night's couture-- btw!  Natalie Portman = BEST MATERNITY DRESS EVER!!!

Anyway, here are the winners:

Best Picture
"The King's Speech," Iain Canning, Emile Sherman and Gareth Unwin, Producers
Achievement in directing
"The King's Speech," Tom Hooper
Actor in a Leading Role
Colin Firth in "The King's Speech"
Actor in a Supporting Role
Christian Bale in "The Fighter"
Actress in a Leading Role
Natalie Portman in "Black Swan"
Actress in a Supporting Role
Melissa Leo in "The Fighter"
Animated Feature Film
"How to Train Your Dragon" Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois
"The Illusionist" Sylvain Chomet
"Toy Story 3" Lee Unkrich
Achievement in Art Direction
"Alice in Wonderland"
Achievement in Cinematography
"Inception," Wally Pfister
Costume Design
"Alice in Wonderland," Colleen Atwood
Documentary (Feature)
"Inside Job," Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
Documentary (Short Subject)
"Strangers No More"
Film Editing
"The Social Network"
Foreign Language Film
"In a Better World," Denmark
Makeup
"The Wolfman," Rick Baker and Dave Elsey
Music (Original Score)
"The Social Network," Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross
Music (Original Song)
"We Belong Together" from "Toy Story 3," Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
Short Film (Animated)
"The Lost Thing," Shaun Tan and Andrew Ruhemann
Short Film (Live Action)
"God of Love," Luke Matheny
Sound Editing
"Inception," Richard King
Sound Mixing
"Inception," Lora Hirschberg, Gary A. Rizzo and Ed Novick
Visual Effects
"Inception," Paul Franklin, Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley and Peter Bebb
Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
"The Social Network," Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin
Writing (Original Screenplay)
"The King's Speech," Screenplay by David Seidler

SPU And The GSA: Ian Awesome Translates Seattlese

So here's the story:  In Seattle, there's this private christian college called Seattle Pacific University.  A fine school in many ways, my ex-boyfriend and newest contributor Wesley Darling (OneAngryClotheshorse) attended here.  An active rascal, he helped found Haven, a Gay-Straight Alliance on campus.

 "Blah blah blah, we hate the gays, let's play golf."

The school has recently come under fire as they have ceased giving the GSA space to hold meetings, a move clearly made in order to convey the University's disapproval of GAY BUTT SECKS!!!!1!!!

The good folks over at the Stranger reported on it, and then encouraged everyone to write into these jabronis and let them know what's up-- essentially, that they were big spacky b-holes for being unkind to the gays.

They were hoping for a strong response from the President, Phil Eaton.  Instead, they got a mystifying, meandering letter which, instead of saying anything of substance, could instead be entered in the Seattle Passive Aggression Hall of Fame.  Below I include his response, however, I know none of my readers are douchebags so it might be hard for you to understand exactly what he is saying.  Luckily, I'm fluent in douchebag and have put a translation after his blathering ends-- Mr. Darling asked me to simplify and elucidate on Dr. Phil's point of view and I was only too happy to oblige.

Eaton's response:


Dear SPU colleagues and friends,

It is Saturday morning early as I begin this note (I’m actually in the Bay Area as I finish), my time for reflection and regrouping. I am sorry this is the first moment in a very busy week I’ve had time to collect myself on the current issues around club status and human sexuality and care for our students.

But let me offer here some suggestions and principles that might guide us as we move forward.

1. I assure you I have been reading and listening and reflecting on all of this. I have been talking and listening to faculty and Vice Presidents and trustees. I received some thoughtful and articulate letters from a number of recent alums, to which I am responding. I look forward to the chance to talk further with our students at the appropriate time, as I have done in the past.

My question always comes around to this: How can we model, in all we do, genuine Christian community? Here’s the other question we must ask: How we can help guide our students toward a life that is full and healthy and meaningful, help them discover what is right and good, help them affirm the ancient Christian teaching on all matters of life? 

And so I share what follows in the spirit of these aspirations.

2. We need at this moment to address very clearly and openly the issue of club status. I have asked Vice President Les Steele and Associate Vice President Jeff Jordan to communicate directly the reasons for their decisions. There is a lot of misinformation floating around, and we need to clear things up about what happened and why.

I have also asked them to outline and communicate specific next steps as they work closely with the students and others to get clarity about where we go from here. I will be involved in that discussion.
Let me also commend Les and Jeff for endless hours of work with our students over years on this matter. Their hearts and minds and efforts are absolutely in the right place. We owe them our thanks.

3. We have some differences on these issues, not only on our campus, but surely within our messy and often divided society. Strong communities are always open to differences and are willing to engage those differences meaningfully and together. We should guard against closed or clogged channels. We should seek to respect each other. We should always seek to focus our attention on our students with love and genuine concern for their well being. We should always be willing to tackle the important, even contested issues of our day. That’s what engaging the culture is all about, and we go about that work without fear or hesitation.

4. Let us think hard in this moment about the Christian view of human flourishing that animates the center of our lives and our university. We want the best for our students. Let us love our students even as we affirm our deepest convictions.

We find ourselves these days always asking this question: Where do we turn for guidance about human flourishing when all stories of what is true and good and beautiful are called into question by our postmodern, post-Christian culture? How do we embrace the Christian story when the truth and goodness of our story is decidedly contested by our culture?

Here is my deepest conviction on these questions: We turn to the Christian Scriptures and to the teaching of the Christian church throughout the centuries. As a Christian university, and as Christian individuals, this is our foundation, our deepest and profound resource, our guide. We focus intensely on our holy text. This is the authoritative source that must guide us as we move forward.

As we turn to these teachings, we begin at the beginning: Everyone is created in the image of God. Everyone is formed with human dignity. God loves all of his children.

And then we say, in our brokenness, we lean on the grace of God’s transforming power through Jesus Christ. We become new creatures, even so in transformation, but all of us still on our way.

But then, what happens “after we believe,” as N. T. Wright phrases it? Well, we begin the hard work of “putting on,” in Paul’s familiar words, the “garments that suit God’s chosen and beloved people: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience,” tolerance and forgiveness, and of course “to bind everything and complete the whole, there must be love.” All of this is part of the discipline of our lives as Christians, the discipline that contributes to the formation of communities of grace and love.

But then Paul ventures into what is sometimes the tough part: He tells us we must “put off” some things that are harmful for us, destructive to our communities of faith, hurtful to our world. We don’t like boundaries to our freedom, especially in our time, but our faith tradition calls on us to consider the need for certain boundaries, not just in the area of our sexuality, but in all sorts of areas of human experience.

In the end God wants for all of his children lives that are flourishing, and it is our task, “after we believe,” to seek and model and teach our way toward human flourishing. What the disciples discovered in Jesus, says Wright, was “a way of being human which nobody had ever imagined before. This was a way of generosity and forgiveness, a way of self-emptying and a determination to put everyone else’s needs first. . . .” It was the way of “humility, charity, patience, and chastity,” something unthinkable as virtues to the ancient Greeks.

We seek this remarkable “way of being human, ” the one we discover in Jesus, the one communicated to us through holy Scriptures, the one we grapple with in the teachings of the Christian church throughout the centuries.

We want this new way for our students and for each of our lives and for our community at SPU.

5. Finally, I don’t want to be vague on the whole topic of human sexuality. We’ve got to continue to sort things out. We don’t want to dodge the specifics in some fog of abstraction. We have a statement on human sexuality we have worked on over many years, seeking to be clear, seeking to be nuanced. We lift up that statement, not as holy text, but as something that can encourage our wrestling with these issues.

This is a time when our culture has made some decisive moves on these things, shifting quite dramatically even over the last five years, and we ask now, as a Christian community, how we might affirm where we stand as Christians as we engage that culture, how we might lovingly communicate the ancient tradition we represent?

My great hope is that we can do all of this with humility and in the spirit of grace and love to which we are called. No one has a corner on compassion and righteousness. We are all in this together. My hope is that we can learn better all the time how to treat our students lovingly even as we affirm some things we believe to be true and good and beautiful.

God bless each one of you. May God bless our students. May God bless our community as we seek to be faithful and obedient to God’s call on this place, for this time, even on these very issues.
Phil

Gee.  Thanks, Phil.  Here's how the rest of us would communicate what he has to say:

"We want everyone to think we are dignified and respectful, so we're not going to call these guys fags or anything, but the Bible says they suck, so we're going to continue to discriminate against the students and aren't really going to change the status quo.

"Also, here's a homily about self sacrifice and the greater good so you can a) feel bad about being so selfish if you're a member of a GSA that you're going to waste our time with this crap and b) realize that we're really being very generous by offering you forgiveness.

"In conclusion, I'm really not going to say anything about this because I don't want to get pigeonholed into actually progressing on this problem, however, I would like everyone to remember that we are a Christian school and Christians get to hate on homos cuz the Bible told us to. So fuck off.

"PS: Stop bothering me on a Saturday."

Isn't higher education great?

[Slog]

OneAngryClotheshorse Rips Style.Com a new one Pt. 2

Author's note: Here's part 2 of this article. Read it and enjoy the savage humor and wit! Or don't. (But you know you wanna...) Also, read part 1. And show it to your friends - shit aint gonna read itself.

Antonio Berardi

It's hardly news that in the world of 'high fashion,' breasts seem to be out of style. I encourage the reader to look for themselves at any runway show or ad campaign and count how many mammaries they see larger than an 'b' cup. Designers seem disinterested in the way most women are shaped, preferring to dress adolescent stick figures. It's easier to cut fabric across a flat surface. What intrigues me about this look is the breasts in this photo aren't particularly hidden (that is one hell of a low neckline) but the lace arounds it has the effect of fencing them in. Berardi has taken this girl's wild boobies and domesticated them, putting them in a gilded velvet cage to be peered at by society.

Danielle Scutt

It's saying a hell of a lot when the best outfit in any given set of outfits is a gold lamé bag with a wad of fabric tied across a gal's ladyparts. Yes, it's needlessly complicated but it's wearable, saleable, and looks relatively well made. The styling choices are terrible, though - how many girls do YOU know who would pair a dress that can be seen from space with a matching giant wire choker and chandelier earrings? (Note: The answer may vary depending on how close to New Jersey the reader lives.) Girl does know how to pick out her shoes…those are too fabulous for words. Flowers AND Birds?! It's a sartorial paradise!

Mulberry

This outfit grieves me, it really does. Viewed separately these are FANTASTIC pieces. The leather on that duffle coat looks incredibly comfortable and soft, the backpack has a "luxury leather goods" vibe without being ostentatious, and the goddess-dress has a body-friendly feel to it. The dress also has a glamor to it that refers simultaneously to Halston, Jean Harlow, and 21st century ladies like Anne Hathaway. As an outfit, it's like mixing salmon, chocolate, cheese, and balsamic vinegar...this gal is either on an expedition to open an Alaska branch of Studio 54, or is a homeless debutante. Either way it's lazy for a designer to slop together an outfit from unrelated clothes for the runway. It's as if they ran out of models to carry things. "You there! Grab that backpack! Melissa forgot to put it on her couture ski outfit!"

After all of that bitchery, it seems appropriate to write a small coda. This article is a concentrated approach to a very small segment of the Fall 2011 season. It would take months to analyze the hundreds of looks presented in collections from the last two-three weeks, and it wouldn't be particularly interesting reading. I hope you've had fun with my little rant(s), I plan on doing it relatively often. In the meantime, check out Style.com (or GQ.com for Mens shows) and make a few of your own opinions - what would fashion be without them?

Bisous,

-Wesley Darling

Photo Credits - Elle.com/Style.com/Getty images/wireimage...all photographs are the property of their respective owners. OneAngryQueer and OneAngryClotheshorse claim no credit for the images used in these or any posts unless otherwise noted.

New guest author OneAngryClotheshorse: AKA My VERY gay ex-boyfriend Pt. 1

My latest guest author is none other than my VERY gay ex-boyfriend, Wesley Darling (click the link if you dare...he hasn't posted since 2009 and it's SUPER gay). He's going to rant about clothing for me - because if there's one thing a socially-responsible, politic, intelligent mind wants to start an open dialog about, it's fashion.

Hello gentle readers! (I twirl, a swath of glitter and rainbows dancing merrily behind me) 'Tis I, your beloved Wesley Darling - Ian's VERY gay ex-boyfriend - here to lend my unswervingly stylish eye to the magical adventure that are the FW 2011 RTW shows!

The author in repose. Painting by Liz Keblish

Ok. Are we done? Good, because that shit makes me nauseous. I'm Ian Awesome's VERY gay ex-boyfriend. The name is VERY amusing to me. What metric is Ian judging me by? There's always SOMEONE gayer out there. I also find it hilarious Ian's asked me to write about fashion for his blog- in the past he's stated my wardrobe is "relentlessly dour" and that "I dress like an old person who's stopped caring about themselves." I'll let the reader draw their own conclusions about my taste in clothes, but I hope the article is at least chuckle-worthy.

Since Ian didn't give me very specific criteria, ("Write about fashion - it'll increase readership!") I chose to mercilessly skewer Style.com's "Look Of The Day" from the FW 2011 RTW shows. (Note: This was written yesterday - 2/20/11, today's "looks" will be different - WD) It seemed like a good way to encapsulate the weird spectacle that is Fashion Week, get sassy, and not yammer on too long...this will need to be published in two parts as it is. I hope you readers are happy, and if you're not, throw things at Ian until he gives me better guidelines.

Jonathan Saunders

Apparently, judging from the 5 "looks of the day" Style.com has prepared for us today, metallics are back in for FW 2011. This is old news as metallics have been in for the last 5 years or so (off and on), and designers are trotting them out again because they sell well. In this "look" (remember, I'm writing about the "look of the day" not the individual item) Saunders is featuring giant paillettes (sequins), which look like quarters or worse, fish scales...the scales in question belonging to a tuna with a serious smack problem. What is especially disturbing about this look is that it's ostensibly a dress, but looks more like the designer stapled the top to a matching skirt. The thicker black line through the middle is ugly and purposeless. The shoes would be cute, except for the blowholes on the front - perhaps to house tiny glitter cannons?

Acne

Here are two trends which don't belong together: the "boyfriend shirt," and super-flowy chiffon nude pants. The Swedish brand Acne is really good at simultaneously hiding the 'ol sinful body and using yards and yards of fabric, perhaps in an effort to stimulate the textile industry. Taken as separates, I have few issues...the pants could be really lovely with a white or cream fitted blouse. The top isn't to my taste - my God, it's like a tinfoil hat for her breasts...at least aliens won't be able to penetrate with their boob rays - but with a pair of very slim pants or leggings it would at least have a pleasing silhouette. The combination of the two in the same 'look' is bizarre and shapeless.

Edit- This piece has been halved. *GASP!* Don't worry. You'll get the other half today. It's the only way I could make such a long piece bearable.

Photo Credits - Elle.com/Style.com/Getty images/wireimage...all photographs are the property of their respective owners. OneAngryQueer and OneAngryClotheshorse claim no credit for the images used in these or any posts unless otherwise noted.