OneAngryClotheshorse: Wesley Darling is mad at Zara - you should be too.

Hello lovers! Since Ian Awesome is in transition (and no, he's not becoming a woman) I thought I'd bring some serious fashion news to your attention. Spanish fast-fashion* chain Zara, makers of some of the most consistently cute (and relatively inexpensive) clothing known to bargain-hunters anywhere, have broken my heart a little bit.

According to Brazilian newspaper Reoporter Brasil, Zara has recently come under investigation for using a third-party supplier who contracts slave-like child labor to make their garments. Among their findings were reports of children as young as 14 and 15 working in unsanitary conditions for periods of 16 hours at a time, and being paid as little as 274-460 Brazilian Real a year (Between 175 and 285 USD).

This hearkens back to the dark days of the '90s, when everyone from Kathie Lee Gifford to The Gap was under investigation for using child labor. It was THE hot-button topic for some time, and while the media has not focused on this subject recently, clearly it is still a major problem. The rhetoric from retailers has always been "We had no idea our garments were produced this way," but isn't it the brand's responsibility to find out where their clothes are coming from?

The presence of suppliers like the one found in Brazil also bring up a serious question for the consumer - is that $12 top really too good to be true? Maybe doing a bit more research about where your super el-cheapo fashion finds were constructed would be helpful in discouraging further human rights violations. As yours truly puts it, "Perhaps my jeans WERE exorbitantly expensive, but they weren't made in a sweaty windowless box by children."

*Fast-fashion is a generic term for the inexpensively produced, trendy garments that are inspired by the most current runway looks. Usually shopping in these stores requires lots of screaming, grabbing, and occasionally fist-fighting with other savvy fashionistas, in order to secure the perfect outfit.

OneAngryCultist reporting for OneAngryQueer

OMG Shoes! In a report this morning by the Seattle PI, new outrage is being unleashed over shoes allegedly designed to sculpt the tokuses of young girls:

The company has miniaturized its “Shape-up” sneakers, a brand of boat-shaped shoes that features a sexified marketing campaign. The ads claim the shoes allegedly help firm the legs and butts of women, which feels less a health claim than a bid for desirability, reinforced by spokesmodel Kim Kardashian and other hotties in tiny shorts.

While there can be no doubt pushing products on kids under the pretense that it'll make them more attractive is a terrible, terrible, thing; there are some health benefits to having a functioning posterior that even our own Ian Awesome will be willing to talk about at length. Until then...

OneAngryClotheshorse's Red Carpet MADNESS - part 2

Hello lovers! Here's part 2 of my Oscar-fashion rant extravaganza. Part 1 can be found here. Remember - the only thing as wonderful as great fashion... is BAD FASHION.

Paz De La Huerta in one of Dina Martina's old stage costumes

In Part 1 of this post, I compared Lea Michele's heartbreaking sparkle-snake extravaganza to a Telemundo reject. Continuing that theme, Paz de la Huerta shows us her big Cha-Cha! Ay, dios mio. You don't see a lot of free-range vagina at awards shows these days. It's like a solar eclipse - I know I shouldn't stare directly at it but it's so unusual I can't look away. I wonder if it's intentional? Maybe she got in a bitchfight with Emma Stone and her dress got torn. That would also explain her makeup (or bruises, who knows?). Whatever happened, Paz looks SUPER grumpy about it... like a cow whose udders are sore because she hasn't been milked in a while. It would explain the lack of a bra... that shit has got to chafe.

Joan Collins in one of her old Dynasty costumes

YES! I hope I look half as good as she does when I'm dead. Seriously, this breathtaking vision is the incomparable Joan Collins - the only JC that matters. Check her out, judging the mere mortals around her. Deciding who lives... and who dies. I defy you to gaze upon this tower of feminine glory and not want to THROW THE BITCH INTO A LILY POND. Her dress DOES look like it could use watering.

Justin Timberlake in Tom Ford

Last but not least, bitches - check out THIS asshat. Clad in a wrinkled tux stolen from Lawrence Welk circa 1974, Justin Timberlake clearly thinks his shit don't stink. Look at that face. He knows he looks terrible. It's all just a big joke to him. You could smuggle children in those pants (or, judging by that goofy-ass grin, a big 'ol bong) and nobody would know. It's really saying something when a black tuxedo, white dress shirt, and black bow tie look THIS unfortunate.

I'm exhausted! Tearing up celebrities makes me SO thirsty. Thanks SO much for reading, loves... I'm going to go pour myself a Manhattan and find myself a sparkly caftan to play dress-up in.

KISSES!!!

Wesley Darling

Photo Credits - Elle.com/Style.com/Getty images/wireimage...all photographs are the property of their respective owners. OneAngryQueer and OneAngryClotheshorse claim no credit for the images used in these or any posts unless otherwise noted.

OneAngryClotheshorse: The Oscars 2011

I'm back kids! With all of this Oscar tomfoolery going on, you MUST have been thinking "Gee, I wonder what Wesley Darling thinks of all of the Red Carpet fashions?"

Well, they were mostly pretty damn boring. Actresses in pretty dresses getting hot and bothered about little gold statuettes just don't raise my blood pressure. However, since I get one shot per week to rant on Ian's blog, I figured I'd share a few of my favorite looks anyway... terrible, terrible eyesores on mostly B-C-and Z list celebrities!

I don't tend to fall in love with pretty dresses, it's too easy. There were very few challenging, memorable outfits at the Academy Awards this year (safe is the new black, loves) and I would much rather honor those fallen soldiers of fashion who perished screaming in their hot-mess dresses. There's even one young man (A-list, no less!) who made me want to laugh, scream, and cry, simultaneously. Let's start the show!

Cate Blanchett in Givenchy Couture

My first victim of the night is Cate Blanchett. Always a risk-taker, Cate takes "architectural fashion" to a new level, choosing to house her breasts in what looks like a cross between a gazebo and a grotto from the Little Mermaid (if you look closely the little beads look more like barnacles!). She paints the whole mess lilac and strews yellow blossoms all about. Hidden in the center of the dress is a cleverly hidden string - pull it and the curtains spring apart like opening night on Broadway. Ta Da!

Gayle King in...who the hell cares?

Holy shit-on-a-shingle. This devastating siren, ladies and gentlemen, is Oprah's "Best Friend." They go everywhere together, yet Gayle leaves the house looking like this... Girl, you must have pissed your meal-ticket off BAD to be let out of the house in this. Starting at the top: her hair is simultaneously greasy AND frizzy (In her off-hours, Gayle is a lab animal for John Frieda) and she has terrible drugstore makeup, which is applied with a trowel and smeared to perfection. We arrive at the glorious fuckery that is her off-the-rack, Jessica McClintock-knockoff $35 prom dress, which is twisted, tortured, ruched, wrinkled, and coming apart at the hem. Her boobs hang listlessly, like moody, overweight teenagers. Continuing the theme of the depressed high school girl, she finishes the look with a gold snakeskin mini-backpack from Claire's.

Emma Stone in Chanel Fall 2009 Couture

It says a lot about how safe actresses are dressing at awards shows (particularly this one) that I had to pull the rest of my photos from the Vanity Fair Oscar After-party. I have no idea who this crazy broad is but I want to party with HER. Look at that face. She has been drinking since 9 o'clock in the morning, can barely stand on her PRECIOUS little purple pumps, just got fucked in the back of the limo, and has something bitchy to say about EVERY A-list actress she walks past. This is the kind of girl you have to watch out for, or she'll put out her cigarette on your arm when you're not looking. Or even if you are. She doesn't give a fuck. Meanwhile, honey... it looks like you tucked the back of your dress into your pantyhose. Also, the fireworks going off on your tits are a little distracting.

Lea Michele in Roberto Cavalli

Oh honey NO. Snakes look that way in nature for a reason - it's God's way of saying "Don't touch me, I will kill you." This dress is AWFUL on her, which makes me so sad because she's one of my favorite actresses ever. THIS IS RACHEL FROM GLEE looking like a Telemundo reality show reject, wearing Dorothy Zbornak's favorite caftan. She has been getting a lot of flak lately for wearing dresses that are SUPER sexy, (check out the cover of Cosmopolitan for March) so maybe she's just given up on being hot. She honestly looks like she threw on a pair of Liberace's pajamas, put her hair in a scrunchie, and slumped out the door. She probably has a pair of fuzzy pink bunny rabbit slippers on under the dress.

Anika Noni Rose in a skinned muppet.

I wasn't going to write about Ms. Rose (Noni Rose?) but I had to say SOMETHING. After all, Big Bird died to make this dress. The least I could do was provide a short obituary. The orange satin is pretty on her though...pity it had to be trimmed with one of my childhood heroes.

Later today: Wesley Darling puts the smack down on ladies who think the "unmilked cow" look is perfect for the spring season and one unlucky gentleman who wanted to wear a gunny sack on his big night. Stay tuned!

*EDIT* - Part 2 can be found here

Photo Credits - Elle.com/Style.com/Getty images/wireimage...all photographs are the property of their respective owners. OneAngryQueer and OneAngryClotheshorse claim no credit for the images used in these or any posts unless otherwise noted.

OneAngryClotheshorse Rips Style.Com a new one Pt. 2

Author's note: Here's part 2 of this article. Read it and enjoy the savage humor and wit! Or don't. (But you know you wanna...) Also, read part 1. And show it to your friends - shit aint gonna read itself.

Antonio Berardi

It's hardly news that in the world of 'high fashion,' breasts seem to be out of style. I encourage the reader to look for themselves at any runway show or ad campaign and count how many mammaries they see larger than an 'b' cup. Designers seem disinterested in the way most women are shaped, preferring to dress adolescent stick figures. It's easier to cut fabric across a flat surface. What intrigues me about this look is the breasts in this photo aren't particularly hidden (that is one hell of a low neckline) but the lace arounds it has the effect of fencing them in. Berardi has taken this girl's wild boobies and domesticated them, putting them in a gilded velvet cage to be peered at by society.

Danielle Scutt

It's saying a hell of a lot when the best outfit in any given set of outfits is a gold lamé bag with a wad of fabric tied across a gal's ladyparts. Yes, it's needlessly complicated but it's wearable, saleable, and looks relatively well made. The styling choices are terrible, though - how many girls do YOU know who would pair a dress that can be seen from space with a matching giant wire choker and chandelier earrings? (Note: The answer may vary depending on how close to New Jersey the reader lives.) Girl does know how to pick out her shoes…those are too fabulous for words. Flowers AND Birds?! It's a sartorial paradise!

Mulberry

This outfit grieves me, it really does. Viewed separately these are FANTASTIC pieces. The leather on that duffle coat looks incredibly comfortable and soft, the backpack has a "luxury leather goods" vibe without being ostentatious, and the goddess-dress has a body-friendly feel to it. The dress also has a glamor to it that refers simultaneously to Halston, Jean Harlow, and 21st century ladies like Anne Hathaway. As an outfit, it's like mixing salmon, chocolate, cheese, and balsamic vinegar...this gal is either on an expedition to open an Alaska branch of Studio 54, or is a homeless debutante. Either way it's lazy for a designer to slop together an outfit from unrelated clothes for the runway. It's as if they ran out of models to carry things. "You there! Grab that backpack! Melissa forgot to put it on her couture ski outfit!"

After all of that bitchery, it seems appropriate to write a small coda. This article is a concentrated approach to a very small segment of the Fall 2011 season. It would take months to analyze the hundreds of looks presented in collections from the last two-three weeks, and it wouldn't be particularly interesting reading. I hope you've had fun with my little rant(s), I plan on doing it relatively often. In the meantime, check out Style.com (or GQ.com for Mens shows) and make a few of your own opinions - what would fashion be without them?

Bisous,

-Wesley Darling

Photo Credits - Elle.com/Style.com/Getty images/wireimage...all photographs are the property of their respective owners. OneAngryQueer and OneAngryClotheshorse claim no credit for the images used in these or any posts unless otherwise noted.

New guest author OneAngryClotheshorse: AKA My VERY gay ex-boyfriend Pt. 1

My latest guest author is none other than my VERY gay ex-boyfriend, Wesley Darling (click the link if you dare...he hasn't posted since 2009 and it's SUPER gay). He's going to rant about clothing for me - because if there's one thing a socially-responsible, politic, intelligent mind wants to start an open dialog about, it's fashion.

Hello gentle readers! (I twirl, a swath of glitter and rainbows dancing merrily behind me) 'Tis I, your beloved Wesley Darling - Ian's VERY gay ex-boyfriend - here to lend my unswervingly stylish eye to the magical adventure that are the FW 2011 RTW shows!

The author in repose. Painting by Liz Keblish

Ok. Are we done? Good, because that shit makes me nauseous. I'm Ian Awesome's VERY gay ex-boyfriend. The name is VERY amusing to me. What metric is Ian judging me by? There's always SOMEONE gayer out there. I also find it hilarious Ian's asked me to write about fashion for his blog- in the past he's stated my wardrobe is "relentlessly dour" and that "I dress like an old person who's stopped caring about themselves." I'll let the reader draw their own conclusions about my taste in clothes, but I hope the article is at least chuckle-worthy.

Since Ian didn't give me very specific criteria, ("Write about fashion - it'll increase readership!") I chose to mercilessly skewer Style.com's "Look Of The Day" from the FW 2011 RTW shows. (Note: This was written yesterday - 2/20/11, today's "looks" will be different - WD) It seemed like a good way to encapsulate the weird spectacle that is Fashion Week, get sassy, and not yammer on too long...this will need to be published in two parts as it is. I hope you readers are happy, and if you're not, throw things at Ian until he gives me better guidelines.

Jonathan Saunders

Apparently, judging from the 5 "looks of the day" Style.com has prepared for us today, metallics are back in for FW 2011. This is old news as metallics have been in for the last 5 years or so (off and on), and designers are trotting them out again because they sell well. In this "look" (remember, I'm writing about the "look of the day" not the individual item) Saunders is featuring giant paillettes (sequins), which look like quarters or worse, fish scales...the scales in question belonging to a tuna with a serious smack problem. What is especially disturbing about this look is that it's ostensibly a dress, but looks more like the designer stapled the top to a matching skirt. The thicker black line through the middle is ugly and purposeless. The shoes would be cute, except for the blowholes on the front - perhaps to house tiny glitter cannons?

Acne

Here are two trends which don't belong together: the "boyfriend shirt," and super-flowy chiffon nude pants. The Swedish brand Acne is really good at simultaneously hiding the 'ol sinful body and using yards and yards of fabric, perhaps in an effort to stimulate the textile industry. Taken as separates, I have few issues...the pants could be really lovely with a white or cream fitted blouse. The top isn't to my taste - my God, it's like a tinfoil hat for her breasts...at least aliens won't be able to penetrate with their boob rays - but with a pair of very slim pants or leggings it would at least have a pleasing silhouette. The combination of the two in the same 'look' is bizarre and shapeless.

Edit- This piece has been halved. *GASP!* Don't worry. You'll get the other half today. It's the only way I could make such a long piece bearable.

Photo Credits - Elle.com/Style.com/Getty images/wireimage...all photographs are the property of their respective owners. OneAngryQueer and OneAngryClotheshorse claim no credit for the images used in these or any posts unless otherwise noted.