Will The GOP Please Leave Our Luscious Teen Bois Alone?

Yet another anti-gay Republican politician has been outed as a big, creepy gay as a sordid story of a Craigslist hookup comes out of Indiana today.

er.  I would have tried to leave, too...

18-year old Kameryn Gibson was approached by a supposedly "in shape married professional, 5'8", fit 170 lbs, and love getting and staying naked," through the Craigslist M4M hookup forum.  The "professional" offered Gibson up to $140 in order to come over to his hotel room and have sex with him.  Gibson agreed, and came to the hotel room, only to find anti-gay state Rep. Phillip Hinkle waiting.  The story then takes a turn for the even grosser, as Gibson attempted to leave:

He said the lawmaker at first told him he could not leave, grabbed him in the rear, exposed himself to the young man and then later gave him an iPad, BlackBerry cellphone and $100 cash to keep quiet.

The story appears to have been corroborated by incriminating e-mails on the BlackBerry, but Hinkle hasn't commented much on the scandal except to refer to it as a "shakedown."

Good job, Hinkle!  You've joined the hallowed ranks of social conservatives who secretly like to get some man-on-man humpin'!  Such luminaries as Larry Craig, Mike Haggard, and George Rekers have trailblazed this path before you, and I look forward to seeing your crisis of faith, resignation, ex-gay counseling, etc.  

Feds Threaten To Ground Flights In TX Due To TSA Limits

Remember that bill Texas passed to limit airport groping by TSA personnel?  Yeah, the federal government didn't quite cotton to it and put the smack down by threatening to ground all flights from Texas airports.

"'If [the legislation] passes, the federal government would likely seek an emergency stay of the statute,' a letter from the Department of Justice explained (PDF). 'Unless or until a such a stay were granted, TSA would likely be required to cancel any flight or series of flights for which it could not ensure the safety of passengers and crew.'


"As a result, the bill's co-sponsor in the Texas Senate withdrew the legislation. It had cleared the Texas House by unanimous vote."

Everything's bigger in Texas.  Except, I see, for their legislators' balls.

[TheRawStory]

Texas House Outlaws Airport Groping, Ian Awesome Disappointed

The Texas House has passed legislation banning the TSA from touching your no-no parts.

The infamous "pat-down" procedure has had a bad rap since it was introduced, and once a former Miss America pageant winner claimed that she was molested, well then, that shit had to go!

 Please just grope me once.  There might be a bomb in my hoo ha.

"In the wake of her accusation, a near super-majority of Texas House representatives rushed to add their names to the co-sponsor list, virtually guaranteeing its passage.

"The bill would amend a Texas statute pertaining to 'the offensive touching of persons,' extending it to security personnel who conduct a search 'without probable cause.'"

While there is very little chance that this will have any effect whatsoever, federal law taking precedence over state law, there is basis in Constitutional law for outlawing the grope-happy inspections.

"That's actually the exact wording used in the Constitution in the section outlining prohibitions on unreasonable search and seizure. The legal standard for a lawful search is probable cause: a requirement that law enforcement must meet before most judges will issue search warrants."

I, for one, am incensed!  I traveled last week from Eugene, OR to Washington, DC and back without a single grope!  If they don't grope me, the terrorists win!

[TheRawStory]

Pope Says Some Stupid Shit. Uh, Again.

Pope Ratzboner says that Christians are the most persecuted people in the world.

Right.

Imma eatcha!  In German tho.

"'At present, Christians are the religious group which suffers most from persecution on account of its faith,' the pontiff asserted, and cited Christian communities suffering from violence and intolerance particularly in Asia, Africa, the Middle East and the Holy Land.

'This situation is intolerable, since it represents an insult to God and to human dignity' as well as 'a threat to security and peace,' Benedict wrote in one of the 17-page-long message's strongest passages.

He appealed to authorities to 'act promptly to end every injustice' against Christians."

Uh-huh. The world's largest religion, represented by one quarter to a third of THE POPULATION OF PLANET EARTH is the most persecuted. Maybe he should come to America and claim that-- while Muslims are slowly being denigrated as terrorists and the scum of the earth.

Please note:  He pleaded for an end of injustice against Christians-- NOT injustice on the basis of religion.  The Jews and Hindus?  Toss 'em in the clink!  CHRISTIANS?  Nonono, we can't bother those guys, there are just not enough of them around.  HA!

I know, Papa!  Why don't you go back to your naked acrobats and Prada slippers and stop fucking talking?  Where did they get this guy?!  Oh right!  Hitler Youth.  I forgot.

[msnbc]

My Time In The Army Was Ruined By Your Beer Gut

Ok, I have had it with people in the military thinking that I want to fuckin' check them out in the shower.

For instance, in the following op-ed in the Navy Times, the author, while realistic about the need to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell, still operates on the principle that I want his nasty ass and am going to eye-rape him in the shower-- thus necessitating shower curtains.

I have a few things to say about this:

a)  If I'm checking you out in the shower, you ain't gonna know it.  You think you're going to catch me checkin' you out?  Like, I'm going to stand there with my mouth agape, ogling your nalgas?  I'm a smooth operator, sonny, and you would never know.

b)  You are probably too fugly for me.  While soldiers are the salt of the earth, the backbone of our democracy, and the finest people I've ever had the privilege to meet-- well, let's just say none of them were in any beauty pageants (except for Vivian, but she's crazy).  I mean, seriously, NONE of them seemed to know proper grooming, and bacne?  I can't even talk about it.

c)  In addition-- this fear that I'm going to grope you in a foxhole?  If we're in a hole in the ground we are most likely in a combat zone-- in the fucking wilderness.  You probably haven't showered in weeks.  NO THANK YOU.

You know, actually, yes, install shower curtains.  That would be an improvement!  That way I DON'T HAVE to see your naked flabby ass squishing around the showers...

[The Navy Times]

Czech Republic to Gay Asylum Seekers: Do Ladyparts Get Mr. Happy Happy?

The Czech Republic has instituted a "tumescence" test to see if the homos seeking asylum in the Eastern European country are actually hot for wiener. 

"The practice tests the physical reaction to heterosexual pornographic material. It is apparently used on people who apply for asylum on the basis of suffering homophobic persecution.
According to information provided by the Czech Ministry of the Interior, ‘phallometric testing’ for asylum seekers who claim to be gay may be used 'where inconsistencies appear in [an] interview'”.

What does this mean?

If you're a gay Iranian man who doesn't want to get hanged or beat up for smokin' pole, they hook your Johnson up to a machine, play het porn, and measure if you get boned for it or not.  The European Union, of which the Czech Republic is a member, has condemned the practice as "degrading treatment."

EU!  Give these guys a break!  Everyone knows that Czech gay porn performers are the hottest!  They're just trying to protect their national industry!

After laughing, tho, I asked myself:  How do they test our sapphic sisters?  A "Clitmus" test?

[PinkNews]

Go Ahead, Grope Me

 Some whiners have termed November 24th National Opt-Out Day, when all travelers should opt-out of being x-rayed and groped by those fine-ass pervs at TSA.  Myself, I never pass up a chance to get a nice grope, but I guess some people aren't that pleased about it.  I mean, who wouldn't want this?

Well, the delightful Mr. Goldberg over at the Atlantic has a suggestion to take the fun up a notch!  Wear a kilt!

"If you want to go the extra extra mile, I suggest commando-style kilt-wearing. While it is probably illegal to fly without pants, I can't imagine that it's illegal to fly without underpants."

Hell yeah!  I have two different kilts that I could wear!  From now on:  Ian Awesome will only wear kilts while flying.

Who wouldn't want to grope this?

Watch out, TSA, here I come!

[The Atlantic]