Shirtgate: NOT Made In America

Here's a hint to so-called fiscal conservatives interesting in revamping the economy in the US by running for president: your fucking campaign t-shirts should probably be made in the US.

Ugh.

We expect this kind of idiocy from Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum (at least Rick isn't really running on a true platform of fiscal conservatism, but instead a social one bashing gays), but candidates who are staking their names on sound fiscal policy have now been uncovered making the gaffe.

Herman Cain (you know, the guy who is going to save America with his experience running a pizza company) and Ron fucking Paul have both, it has been discovered, been producing their campaign T-shirts overseas.

"'No, I wasn't aware it was made in Honduras,' Cain said in response. 'I was just aware it was Fruit of the Loom ... which is an American company.'

"Ron Paul did not know, either -- but unlike other candidates, he isn't apologetic about it. 'I wasn't aware of it ... but I wouldn't change it,' said Paul. 'I would argue the case that the market should determine it.'"

Ruben Diaz Can Suck It

Seriously, dude, you lost.  Simmer down.

Ruben Diaz had an extra helping of haterade this week, vowing to destroy the recognition of gay weddings performed in New York State via a lawsuit.

"State Sen. Ruben Diaz, a minister who was the sole Democrat to vote against gay marriage when the Legislature approved it, told a crowd near the United Nations that he and other opponents would try to get Sunday’s marriages annulled, saying judges broke the law by waiving the 24-hour waiting period without a good reason.

"'We’re going to show them next week that everything they did today was illegal,' he said, speaking in Spanish."

This guy is starting to make me sick.  So now he's going to not only attempt to prevent committed couples from marrying, but he's going to try and snatch that recognition back?  At this point, Diaz looks like nothing more than a spiteful ass grasping at straws.  Good luck, Diaz.  You're probably going to need it, as marriage equality seems pretty entrenched in the Empire State.

Santorum Is Pissed About "Santorum"

Ten years ago, Dan Savage focused his ire on an anti-gay politician and started a phenomenon that just won't quit.  In a stroke of genius, Savage forever associated the word "Santorum" with pooey lube, and the politician ignored it for a good decade.

Now, however, he's trailing in the polls and lacking funds, so what better time to suddenly be fed up?  He went on TV and sent an e-mail to potential donors this week attempting ride the waaaaahmbulance all the way to the bank.  From the Real Time:

"This man has gone out there and tried to destroy my integrity– I mean, you’ve heard about this Google issue, that’s Dan Savage. It’s the lowest debasement of public discourse. It’s offensive beyond anything that any public figure or anybody in America tolerate [sic], and the mainstream media laughs about it. They kid about it. They write about it. They say Santorum’s ‘Google problem,’ and when you see this kind of over the top– the Google thing is worse than what he said there– they laugh about that, too. Why? Because it’s a liberal beating up on a conservative, and that’s okay. And whether it’s Rick Santorum or Michele Bachmann, it’s the left making fun of someone who believes in the values that built America, that believes in traditional marriage. How outrageous! How bigoted! How hateful that you actually believe that raising children in families with mothers and fathers is something to be encouraged! Just because you hold those opinions you are subjected to the worst form of vulgarity on the internet, on television, on everything else… I wear it as a badge of honor that someone as vulgar and as disgusting and as hate-filled as Dan Savage sees me as Public Enemy #1. To me that tells me I’m doing something right."

From his e-mail:

"Savage and his perverted sense of humor is the reason why my children cannot Google their father’s name. I took the high road for nearly a decade by not dignifying these mindless attacks, then even defending his 1st Amendment right to spew this filth. And to this day, liberals like Rachel Maddow serve as Savage’s lackeys on national television, pushing his smut."

Oh, Rick Santorum.  You make me want to drink.

Hey guys!  Let's play the Rick Santorum drinking game!

The rules!  Take a drink every time he says:

1.  Dan Savage.

2.  Pervert.

3.  "Santorum."  Ha.  It means poop.

4.  Google.

Take two drinks every time he:

1.  Brings up his children and how they're being victimized.

2.  Blames liberals for his failures.

Today's total:  18.  Michele Bachmann is a lot better at this game.  No wonder she's leading in the polls.  

Media Matters: The Worst Of Glenn Beck

Tonight is Glenn Beck's last show, and Media Matters celebrates with this reel of the shittiest of the bullshit we've had to put up with from him.

Newt Loves Marriage SOOOOO Much!

The advent of marriage equality has brought a round of doom-saying and condemnation from the usual crowd of jokers, but none tickles me so much as thrice-married serial adulterer Newt Gingrich rising up to protect traditional marriage from homosexual interlopers.

Gingrich seems to want clear divisions on marriage, stating that it rightfully belongs to "one man and one woman" and the rise of same-sex marriage in New York showed the nation "drifting toward a terrible muddle."

"He said he thinks the nation should be defending the federal Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage as being between a man and a woman.

"In February, the Obama administration decided it would no longer defend the 15-year-old law.

"'I think the president should be, frankly, enforcing that act, and I think we are drifting toward a terrible muddle which I think is going to be very, very difficult and painful to work our way out of,' he said."

It almost seems like all the people who defend marriage from us turrible gayz are the ones who want to abuse marriage the most by trickin' it up and getting divorces.  Hmmm.  Would you say that conservatives hate fidelity?

Yawnfest 2011: The Oscars

Jamie just wanted to host alone!  Why won't ABC let him shine?!?!?!?!

I watched the Oscars last night with my old-ass mom-- boooooooooooring!  I mean, seriously, the most exciting part of the whole show was Billy Crystal and he was only on for two minutes.  Did anyone else think that James Franco officially hated co-hosting with Anne "Stick Figure With No Soul" Hathaway?  Every time she said something he rolled his eyes at the camera.  Catty!

In the next day or two Wesley Darling (OneAngryClotheshorse) will have his breakdown and analysis of last night's couture-- btw!  Natalie Portman = BEST MATERNITY DRESS EVER!!!

Anyway, here are the winners:

Best Picture
"The King's Speech," Iain Canning, Emile Sherman and Gareth Unwin, Producers
Achievement in directing
"The King's Speech," Tom Hooper
Actor in a Leading Role
Colin Firth in "The King's Speech"
Actor in a Supporting Role
Christian Bale in "The Fighter"
Actress in a Leading Role
Natalie Portman in "Black Swan"
Actress in a Supporting Role
Melissa Leo in "The Fighter"
Animated Feature Film
"How to Train Your Dragon" Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois
"The Illusionist" Sylvain Chomet
"Toy Story 3" Lee Unkrich
Achievement in Art Direction
"Alice in Wonderland"
Achievement in Cinematography
"Inception," Wally Pfister
Costume Design
"Alice in Wonderland," Colleen Atwood
Documentary (Feature)
"Inside Job," Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
Documentary (Short Subject)
"Strangers No More"
Film Editing
"The Social Network"
Foreign Language Film
"In a Better World," Denmark
Makeup
"The Wolfman," Rick Baker and Dave Elsey
Music (Original Score)
"The Social Network," Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross
Music (Original Song)
"We Belong Together" from "Toy Story 3," Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
Short Film (Animated)
"The Lost Thing," Shaun Tan and Andrew Ruhemann
Short Film (Live Action)
"God of Love," Luke Matheny
Sound Editing
"Inception," Richard King
Sound Mixing
"Inception," Lora Hirschberg, Gary A. Rizzo and Ed Novick
Visual Effects
"Inception," Paul Franklin, Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley and Peter Bebb
Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
"The Social Network," Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin
Writing (Original Screenplay)
"The King's Speech," Screenplay by David Seidler

WTF Moment Brought To You By Alan Keyes

Conservative activist/writer Alan Keyes thinks that giving gays the right to marry is the same as giving plantation owners the right to own slaves.  Yeeeeeeeeeah.

"Government doesn't endow people with the ability to procreate the species. The Creator takes care of that. Like all unalienable rights, those associated with the natural family exist in consequence of this endowment. A couple that cannot, by nature, procreate has no claim to those rights. Nor can government grant them a semblance of it without impairing the claims of one or both of the parents biologically implicated in the physical conception of the child. The DOMA simply makes more explicit the government's obligation to secure the Creator-endowed unalienable rights of the natural family. This obligation precludes government from fabricating other rights that impair them. In this respect, granting homosexuals the right to marry is like granting plantation owners the right to own slaves."

You're so silly Alan!  The difference is this:  One has no impact on anyone outside of that union whatsoever, and the other one is holding human lives as chattel.  I know, easy to confuse the two!

I feel bad for this guy's daughter-- who is an out and proud lesbian.  What a dirtbag this b-hole is.

[WorldNetDaily]

Ian Awesome Is Busy Having VD

So I got me a hot piece hangin' out with me today and we're traveling from Portland to Eugene, then I'm showin' him the sights.  What does this mean?  The blog can fuck off for a day.  In the meantime, look at this picture that I found when I searched the words "hot mamma jamma."  Enjoy!

Romania's Witches Can't Catch a Break

Sounds like their cat poop magic hasn't quite kicked in yet.

Still reeling from the new tax affecting fortune tellers and witches, the magical community of Romania is facing a new terror:  malpractice suits!!!!!  (ominous music)

Er, sort of.  Essentially, if their predictions don't come true, they'll get fined or tossed in the clink.  Naturally, the witches pointed out the obvious:  it's not their fault if their predictions don't come true, it's the cards' fault.  Uh-huh.  Yeah.

 You're going to be sorry!  Fluffy's shit is in this cup!

"The new draft bill passed in the Senate last week. It still must be approved by a financial and labor committee and by Romania's Chamber of Deputies, the other house of Romania's parliament.

"Bratara called the proposed bill overblown. "I will fight until my last breath for this not to be passed," she said.

"Sometimes, she argued, people don't provide their real identities, dates of birth or other personal details, which could skew a seer's predictions.

"'What about when the client gives false details about themselves? We can't be blamed for that,' she said.
The bill would also require witches to have a permit, to provide their customers with receipts and bar them from practicing near schools and churches."

Heavens!  What's next?  I think the witches should unionize.  Move with the times, ladies. 

[AZCentral] 

Book Vending Machines Make Reading a 24-hr Possibility

It's 3 AM and you can't sleep!  You need a good book to read but have read everything you own.  Don't you wish the library was open?

In Polk County FL,  they came up with an innovative method of making books accessible to everyone at every hour.


"The machines are similar to Red Box movie rental machines. One of the machines has DVDs in it, and the other has best selling books.

"To check something out, all you need to do is to swipe your library card."

This was made to address the lack of a library in the Four Corners area of Polk County.  I have to say, I wouldn't mind such a convenient method of checking out books in the neighborhood I live in-- I hate having to troll through the stacks in a library to find some light reading.  Perhaps this is a solution to folks-- like myself-- who are used to the instant gratification of the Internet.

[CFNews13.com]

Romania To Tax Witches... Uh.

Seriously.

Romania, like every fuckin' body, is hurtin' for some dough, so they decided to tax just about EVERYBODY, and that now includes witches.

 A Romanian taxpayer preparing a nice apple pie with a side of dead dog.

Naturally, the ladies in question are fighting back.  Protesting?  Oh no.  Cat poop magic is in the works.

"Queen witch Bratara Buzea, 63, who was imprisoned in 1977 for witchcraft under Ceausescu's repressive regime, is furious about the new law.

"Sitting cross-legged in her villa in the lake resort of Mogosoaia, just north of Bucharest, she said Wednesday she planned to cast a spell using a particularly effective concoction of cat excrement and a dead dog, along with a chorus of witches."

While this is a hoot of a story, I mostly post this to bring your attention to the brilliant writing done by Alison Mutler on msnbc.  Way to capitalize, baby.  I mean, who can pass up an opportunity to belt out a paragraph like this:

"'My curses always work!' she cackled in a smoky voice. She sat next to her wood-burning stove, surrounded by potions, charms, holy water and ceramic pots."

I mean, wow.  I wish I could write paragraphs like that and mean it.

[msnbc]

Odds Are Likely John Travolta is Gonna Come Out This Year

Or at least, that's what the bookies say.

For years the rumor mill has been churning away, with fans and friends of Travolta alike saying the Grease star is not as straight as he appears (I always thought he was a little nellie appearing, but hey, I think everyone is gay). 

 I agreed that he was queer til I saw this-- I only nosh on eclairs and use champagne flutes while snacking and swimming.

The evidence?  Well, there really isn't any-- aside from persistent tales that Ms. Jane Travolta just LOVES to visit gay sex clubs-- but some sources say his beard, Kelly Preston, has put pressure on him to come out publicly about his pole smokin' ways.

I don't know.  I'm less excited about this than I should be.  Maybe if Gyllenhaal or Franco were coming out.  Of course, then I would probably get arrested for stalking, so perhaps it's better that it's Travolta.

Click below to get the whole story and the odds.

[SportsbookGurus]

Richard Chamberlain: You Won't Be a Successful Actor if You're Openly Gay

Mr. Thorn Birds himself gave an interview to the Advocate to promote his recent role on Brothers & Sisters. 

 Right, kid, no-one had ANY idea.

Keeping in mind that he was a closet queer for years and heartthrob for my old-ass mom's generation, he had this to say:

"It’s complicated. There’s still a tremendous amount of homophobia in our culture. It’s regrettable, it’s stupid, it’s heartless, and it’s immoral, but there it is. For an actor to be working is a kind of miracle, because most actors aren’t, so it’s just silly for a working actor to say, 'Oh, I don’t care if anybody knows I’m gay' — especially if you’re a leading man. Personally, I wouldn’t advise a gay leading man–type actor to come out."

Well, I read the whole interview and I have to say:  dude may be out of the closet but he's still internalizing a lot of homophobia.  I'm no psychologist, but he just can't seem quick enough to deny any sort of gayification of his career.

Honestly, if I felt the same way, none of you would know about my love for pole, my HIV, my struggles with addiction... and just about everything that makes Ian... well, Awesome.  My victories over these adversities are what make me ME, and only by speaking honestly about them do I help to remove the stigma that these issues have. 

So, Richie, shut your gayelle ass up!  Let the leading men come out!  Gyllenhaal, sock it to us*!

*I have no ulterior motive in wanting Jake Gyllenhaal to come out of the closet.  Oh no.  Not at all. 

[The Advocate]

Ian Awesome's Archnemesis is Totes a Ne'er-do-well!

This Douglas person is totally besmirching the Awesome name!

Neither a captain, NOR awesome.  Discuss.

A fellow adventurer and associate from high school has a harrowing tale to tell from 2001!

"Well, it had to be after spring 2000, cause that's when we moved to this house. I'd say roughly 2001.

The paper boy, whose name is (removed), was always always late and/or noisy, and at my house we need our newspaper by 6 a.m. sharp and we wake up if you and your crappy-ass friends are drunk while you deliver it.

So, every day that the paper was late, my parents would call and complain, and the problems didn't end.

They got to the point where they would just write down the time it came and only call once a week to file 7 complaints at once.

The only time the paper was on time was when he was still drunk Saturday morning and would deliver it at four a.m.

So he got tired of being complained at and he TP'ed our rhodie bush, but a few days earlier 'Doug' told me it was going to happen."

She suspects that this Doug, who was friends with the hoodlum delivery person, was directly involved in this ghastly crime.  Ugh!  Don't even talk to this person!  He is a criminal mastermind and should be avoided!

OMG! Real Life Da Vinci Code!

Conspiracy theorists and Da Vinci Coders alike are jizzing buckets over the news that tiny letters and numbers have been discovered painted into the Mona Lisa's eyes:

"Intrigue is usually focused on her enigmatic smile.  But the Mona Lisa was at the centre of a new mystery yesterday after art detectives took a fresh look at the masterpiece – and noticed something in her eyes.  Hidden in the dark paint of her pupils are tiny letters and numbers, placed there by the artist Leonardo da Vinci and revealed only now thanks to high-­magnification technique."

Secret lover or artist with a gender identity crisis?  You decide.

The Mona Lisa, long the focus of intense speculation (Who was this bitch?  Why is she smiling?  Couldn't he have used a bigger canvas?), has been found to contain, in the left eye, the letters L and V, with some other stuff in the other eye that they can't quite make out-- the number 72, or L and 2, or something.  Considering Signore Da Vinci was fond of riddles (leading some to believe that the Mona Lisa is actually the artist in drag), people are of course drooling all over themselves trying to figure out what it means.  

Call me crazy, but I can't make out a goddamn thing in the following picture:

Mystery!  Excitement!  Uh...  I'm ready for a nap.

Oh well.  I guess I'll just have to figure out other, less important things, like how the hell I'm going to feed myself next month.  Whatevs!

[theDailyMail]

Newsflash: AngryQueer is a Busy Fuck

So I haven't been posting, and I'm sorry.  I'm a grade-A asshat and here's why:  I've been busy!  Moving, panic attack, bickering with the Very Gay Boyfriend, panic attack, hitting the cat-- my days are jam-packed!  More pearls of wisdom to come, I promise.  :D  <---- that is a smiley face.  That means you forgive me.