Are You Serious, Rick Perry?

Riddle me this: if you were trying to court Hispanic votes, would you get up in front of a huge Latino crowd and then crack jokes about a politician whose name sounds like Jose Cuervo?

Yeah, dude, you're pretty much dumb. Just FYI.

Rick Perry would! From the NYT:

"Gov. Rick Perry received a tepid response when he addressed the National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials on Thursday, joking about the pronunciation of a Hispanic appointee's last name and frequently staring blankly at the audience when they failed to respond to his conservative applause lines.

"In his defense, Hispanic politicians had earlier spoken passionately against his policies, deriding them as hurtful to Hispanics. Perry chose to ignore those topics and instead touted his appointments of the first Hispanic women to serve as secretary of state and to both of the state's highest courts.

"But a joke about how perfect it was to appoint Jose Cuevas to the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission because his name sounds like Jose Cuervo — a brand of tequila — fell flat. Perry struggled to regain his confidence as he described Texas as a land of opportunity."

It's almost as if he wants to lose. Congratulations, Rick Perry! Your attempts at race-based humor have earned you the title of OneAngryQueer's "Comedian of the Week!"

Ben Quayle Denies Existence Of Big Oil Subsidies, Constituents Laugh

Rep. Ben Quayle held a town hall in Anthem, AZ last night and caused some hilarity as only he can-- when asked about the billions in subsidies given to the oil industry every year, he straight-up denied they even existed.  His voters are smarter than he gives them credit for, as they laughed right in his face.

"CONSTITUENT: Why were the oil companies coming to defend their subsidies in front of the Senate? Those subsidies, anything in which we give them money when they’re making billions off of us every day.

"AUDIENCE: That’s right!

"QUAYLE: The things they were talking about were actually tax deductions that corporations across all sorts of sectors take in terms of R&D, in terms of equipment deductions, the life of the equipment, those were the deductions that they were talking about and it’s not specific to the oil industry [...]"

Watch:



And just for this, I'm resurrecting an old OneAngryQueer tradition and naming Ben Quayle this week's Comedian of the Week!  Because he has to be joking...

Right?

[ThinkProgress]

Tea Party: Cut Costs! Except For When it Comes to Hiring My Friends.

Amid claims that she was streamlining her office, South Carolina gubernatorial newbie Nikki Haley has given sweeping, huge pay increases to her cronies working for her.

Vote for me!  I'll hire you all on at my office!

"Haley’s deputy chief of staff for communications and legislative affairs – Trey Walker – will be paid $122,775 a year. That’s a 42.3 percent increase over the second-highest paid staffer in the Sanford administration.

Haley’s top lawyer, Swati Patel, will be paid $102,000 a year – which is a 36 percent increase over the $75,000 a year that Sanford paid his top lawyer.

Haley’s other two deputy chiefs of staff, former Rep. Ted Pitts (policy and cabinet affairs) and Katherine Haltiwanger (operations) will be paid $90,000 and $80,000 a year, respectively.

Sanford’s office had just one employee who made a six figure salary – Mark Sanford ($106,078). That salary is set by law and will not change – meaning Haley will also be paid $106,078 a year."

Are you freaking kidding me?  What is with this insane group of people?  They ran on fiscal conservation-- yet request obscene sums in earmarks.  They promise smaller government, yet increase their staff salaries.  The next few years are going to be a hoot as we see these chumps violating their campaign promises and the trust of the public.  Start popping the corn now.

You know what?  This is too entertaining-- this can't be real.  That's it!  She's joking!  She doesn't ACTUALLY think she's running a fiscally conservative platform.  That means that Gov. Haley is OAQ's Comedian of the Week!

Cuz she has to be joking... right?

[FitsNews]

Leading Republicans Meet With, Declare Support For Undeniably Terrorist Hate Group

Haven't we toppled enough governments lately?

 Tom Ridge:  Thirsty for Iranian oil.

Last month leading conservatives Rudy Giuliani, Tom Ridge and Fran Townsend met in Paris with leaders of the group Mujaheddin-e Khalk (MEK) and lambasted the current administration for continuing to classify them as terrorists.

Of course, they were labeled as such by the previous administration, of which both Ridge and Townsend were members.

"Using common definitions, there is good reason for the MEK to be deemed by the U.S. Government to be a Terrorist group. In 2007, the Bush administration declared that 'MEK leadership and members across the world maintain the capacity and will to commit terrorist acts in Europe, the Middle East, the United States, Canada, and beyond,' and added that the group exhibits 'cult-like characteristics.' The Council on Foreign Relations has detailed that the MEK has been involved in numerous violent actions over the years, including many directed at Americans, such as 'the 1979 takeover of the U.S. embassy in Tehran by Iranian revolutionaries' and 'the killings of U.S.military personnel and civilians working on defense projects in Tehran in the 1970s.' This is whom Guiliani, Ridge, Townsend and other conservatives are cheering."

I mean, seriously guys.  The word "mujahadeen" even means "jihadist."  Anti-terrorist efforts are the hallmark of the conservative movement and perhaps its most worthy selling point.  The reason they have suddenly decided to back these killers?

To overthrow the government in Tehran. 

Dumb.  You guys are just SO STUPID.  Not only do you want the US to sponsor another war, but you're backing terrorists to do it?  Where is the benefit in that?  Are we SO hungry for oil that we will go to such lengths? 

I'm not.  Neither is most of America.  So I'm assuming that these guys are joking!  That must be it! 

Of course, I trust Giuliani's political acumen as much as I trust his dress sense (yes.  This is actually him). 

Giuliani, Ridge and Townsend, rejoice!  You are OneAngryQueer's "Comedians of the Week!"

Cuz they have to be joking... right?

[Salon]

Rep. Tom Coburn, (R) OK: All Americans Will Have to Sacrifice! Lower Class Americans: You Mean Us, Right?

Here's a hint to dumbasses calling for Americans to tighten their belts: don't do it during the holiday season.  It's a sensitive subject for many of us.

Please sir, can I have some more?  Uh, money? 

In discussing the incoming Congress and the balance of power shifting due to an increased Republican presence on the Hill, this CNN article had an interesting quote (thanks to Shakesville for pointing this out):

"However, Republicans have made clear that cutting spending is their top priority. Incoming House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, is promising weekly votes on spending cuts, and conservative Republican Sen. Tom Coburn of Oklahoma warned of a national catastrophe if the deficit doesn't get reduced.

"'There will not be one American that will not be called to sacrifice' under the needed spending cuts to deal with the deficit, Coburn said on 'FOX News Sunday.'"

I would like to point out:  Mr. Coburn voted to extend the infamous "Bush Era" tax cuts for the rich.  I can think of SOME Americans that he doesn't want to call to sacrifice.

Mother.  Fucker.

Don't call ME to sacrifice, Mr. Coburn.  I've sacrificed enough.  I wasn't able to give my fucking mother a Christmas present this year, sir.  Were you?

You dare ask for Americans to give MORE to our tanking economy-- while preserving the wealth of the financial top percentile of the nation?  What kind of GD sense does that make?  This is not a sacrifice Coburn and his slimy ilk is asking America to make, it's a sacrifice he's asking poor America to make.

From another CNN article:

"The richest 1% of U.S. households had a net worth 225 times greater than that of the average American household in 2009, according to analysis conducted by the Economic Policy Institute, a liberal think tank. That's up from the previous record of 190 times greater, which was set in 2004."

The gap between rich and poor is widening, dude, and I'm not interested in covering the asses of the rich and powerful.  I'd like my family to have a happy Christmas next year, and we're not going to be able to do so under your plan, Mr. Coburn.  Get a clue!  During a time where poor kids in New York have to send pleas for gifts to Chelsea gay Santas in order to have a holiday, you come up with this fuckery?

 I could just spit. 

 Tom Coburn at open mic night.

Oh WAIT!  I'm taking this too seriously.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Silly me!  He's JOKING.  I'm going to name him Comedian of the Week!  Clever man.

Because he HAS to be joking.  Right?

[CNN link 1]

[CNN link 2]

Virginia isn't for Lovers, or: Asshat Conservatives are Poor Losers

This guy's a real winner.

"Following this weekend's vote by the Senate to allow gays to openly serve in the military, Del. Bob Marshall (R-Prince WIlliam) said he is drafting a bill for the 2011 legislative session that would ban them from serving in the Virginia National Guard.

"'This policy will weaken military recruitment and retention, and will increase pressure for a military draft,' Marshall said. 'After 232 years of prohibiting active, open homosexuals from enlisting in our military, President Obama and a majority in Congress are conducting a social experiment with our troops and our national security...In countries where religions and cultures find homosexual acts immoral, the Obama administration's repeal policy will work to the detriment of all American troops in securing local cooperation with our nation's foreign policy goals.'"

Del. Marshall isn't that funny at his weekend job, either.

Del. Marshall, in the immortal words of Antoine Dodson, you are so dumb.  You are really dumb.  For real.

I mean, at this point, it's been repealed on the federal level, the majority of Americans think discriminating in the armed services on the basis of sexual orientation is wrong, and, uh, this bill won't do anything.  The general and legislative counsel for Equality Virginia has confirmed:  the National Guard is subject to the same rules as federal military units. 

My only conclusion is this guy has to be kidding.  Therefore, he is my Comedian of the Week.  HAHAHAHA!  Funny one, Del. Marshall!!!!

[WaPo]

Score One for the First Gay President!

Okay, so in case you didn't know, Abraham Lincoln was a big 'mo.  If you don't believe me, read this highly factual article from the always correct Wikipedia:


[Just Trust Ian On This One]

Anywho, these gay-hating folks think that Abe Lincoln would want you to vote Christian:



Okay, let's take it for granted that the Family Research Council is a bunch of jerktards.  Let's also examine the fact that Tony Perkins, the president of the FRC and the super-facty historian in the video above... has ties to former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke!  Plus is rumored to be getting a divorce!  This guy is waaaaay values-oriented.

Least important, perhaps (cuz who really cares what a dead guy would urge us to do in today's politics) is what Lincoln actually thought:

 

Lincoln: "The Bible is not my book nor Christianity my profession. I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma." Lincoln: "My earlier views of the unsoundness of the Christian scheme of salvation and the human origin of the scriptures have become clearer and stronger with advancing years, and I see no reason for thinking I shall ever change them."

I love this guy!  Tony Perkins is my fave COMEDIAN OF THE WEEK!  Cuz he has to be joking... right?